We've all known that Russian PM Vladimir Putin is some sort of extraterrestrial superhero, and now it's nice to see him using his powers for good. While visiting a nature preserve, Putin saw a tiger escape, threatening to attack a TV crew. Quick- thinking Putin shot the tiger with a tranquilizer dart and saved everyone's lives. Putin once killed three Chuck Norrises just by sitting up quickly, and once he even counted to infinity...twice.
Oh, Marina, are you that dirty that you need to use so much suds? If you need help reaching your back, just turn around, bend over, and I'll give you a little help.
A Malaysian lad put a large metal nut on his penis, in hopes the weight will make it longer. Unfortunately, he later had an erection, which caused the non-stretchy bolt to pinch off the blood vessels, leaving his dick hard, painful, and nearing a reason to have it removed completely. Doctors, fortunately, were able to drain some blood, remove a little skin, and bring the man's penis back to "normal", hopefully with enough of a mark to remind him not to do that ever again. Why don't people realize, stick your dick into soft things. It's much more comfortable.
According to Panopticist, this is one of the first pornographic cartoons ever made. Ever Ready Horton does hus best to fuck anything that moves, but ending up getting a blow-job from a cow. Wondering how far porn has gone, Kevin Smith? It's barely caught up with pre-WWII pornmaking. Those Roaring Twenties were full of fucked-up sex-hungry filmmakers:
Silent Porn Star has some completely bizarre condoms on her blog -- the reservoir tip has been molded into interesting and artistic forms, which probably don't enhance sex, and they're probably not even intended for sex. They're intent on a 'what the fuck' reaction and they're going to get that in spades. Money? No, not much of that, but WTF, yes, they're going to be rich on WTF.
A thousand adults were asked if they'd partaken in any of these eight deadly sins recently: exposure to pornography (check), using profanity in public (check), gambling (no), gossiping (check), engaging in sexual intercourse with someone to whom they were not married (double-check), retaliating against someone (no), getting drunk (buzzed, yes) and lying (probably). I guess, as an operator of a porn blog, it shouldn't surprise the "Christian researchers" that I fail their test of moral oppression. Retaliating and lying are about the only two that have a high degree of harm to others. The "with whom they are not married" part doesn't necessarily mean cheating; I'm not married to Gracie, with whom I experience carnal knowledge quite often. The "Christ! ian" part of the researcher's self-description gives the questioning a very loaded state. No doubt the "researchers" will emphasize that the poll results prove that things need to be changed. They accuse the respondents of experiencing "little exposure to traditional moral teaching and limited accountability for such behavior." Well, good - we've been exposed to a more tolerant, progressive moral code and we've been accountable for that according to the New Morality's rules. The Old Morality is unacceptable, and their poll has spoken.
The Democrats apparently brought a calming experience to Denver: no more prostitution arrests than usual, and fewer DUIs than usual. There was actually a decrease in sexually-related newspaper ads, which could due more to everyone being all booked up and no need to spend money on advertising. If there's anything about politicians, they plan ahead and have other people drive their drunk ass around.
In further pope-related news, journalists travelling with the Pope to Lourdes are being warned not to bring back the magical healing water in their carry-ons. The airport security will not distinguish between the holy water and a bong-full of GHB, so it'll all be confiscated and destroyed. Why would God let the TSB destroy its holy water? Because God agrees that terrorists must be stopped from carrying small amounts of transparent liquids. It's in the Bible, I'm sure I read it.
Come on now, guys, the baby powder scented deodorant is for the WOMEN. I know, they don't have very good dividing lines in the deodorant aisle at Wal-Mart, but you should be able to tell by smell. Guys who deliberately pick the powder-scent are thinking it makes them attractive to the ladies, but you're just going to confuse them, like those jellybeans that taste like buttered popcorn. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Sometimes, I think the Pope just doesn't get art. A German sculptor created a work consisting of a crucified frog, holding a beer and an egg. Pope Benedict, unfortunately, sees it as blasphemy, and wants it removed. Not only is the Pope up in arms, local government leader Franz Pahl went on a freakin' hunger strike (and unsuccessful, at that) to get it removed. The most significant result of the protesting seems to be widespread international attention for the otherwise unremarkable sculpture. Art wins!
Wonder where the best bathroom in the USA is? Head down to Nashville, stop in the Hermitage Hotel and have a wizz within its unbridled beauty. The pisser here at work has a picture of a boat on the wall, and a permanent wet spot in front of the urinal. No wonder we didn't win.
In Sweden (and in the WHO), fetishism and sadomasochism are considered diseases, much as homosexuality had been in the past. The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education, however, wants to change that. They say there's nothing disease-like about these sexual proclivities, and want things changed. Denmark gave fetishism and BDSM the OK in 1995, so if Sweden can be seen as 13 years behind the curve, just think how bad we in the U.S. are. It's too bad it's Sweden; why can't these liberal, progressive countries be someplace tropical?
The company who sells Enzyte has fallen on hard times. Owner Steve Warshak has been found guilty on 92 charges of defrauding their customers. Not only does Warshak get shafted, he dragged his own mother down with him. She's cited with conspiracy, among other things. The kicker is, the efficiency of the pills isn't in question. Warshack, his mom, and his business all used 'free trial' kickers to bleed money from customers without actually sending them product or allowing them to get refunds when they tried to cancel. So, don't worry Enzyte Bob: your boss may end up in jail, but your huge phallus can remain e! rect without interruption.
The complainer is an agent of the "Sensitive Crimes Victim Services," which does a good job of handling cases of abuse and neglected children, but I really don't see how this photo constitutes abuse or neglect. In poor taste? Maybe. Is this exposing a child to adult sex? ! Not really. Is the kid actually watching somebody fuck a blow-up doll? I really don't think so. I really doubt any harm is coming to the kid in any way, shape, or form by allowing him to hold a blow-up doll. But, I draw my lines differently than a parent or social-worker would. Much of the time that line is drawn by the viewer, not anything having to do with the experience of the so-called 'victim', much like how we have to ban children's swimsuits in catalogs because we think some perv will wank off to the photos. Because, somehow, the children are being hurt according to the perception of whomever is trying to do the protecting. I don't agree with it, but, well, people like this busybody would write my pornography connection off and probably add me to some 'watch' list because they somehow believe that people involved in adult entertainment are up to no good.
Honor, health, happiness, and good relationships are what makes a real man, according to a new study which took a look at both regular guys and ED guys, mostly to see if there's a difference in opinion and values. Priority of getting laid? Not as high as those things above. Material desires? Not so much either. Oh, I'm sure they still want those things, but they just don't consider them characteristics of being 'masculine'.
See, as far as mass-transit goes, this is why airlines suck. Airplane runs out of gas: kiss your ass goodbye while your plane plummets towards the ground. Train runs out of fuel: a brief wait for a replacement to arrive. Not that it didn't suck, but I don't think they annoyed passengers viewed their predicament in the correct light.
A well-endowed woman kept setting off the airport metal detectors. Not satisfied that she has a lot of underwire in her bra, the TSA had to man-handle her huge tits. What could have been a sexy, sexy story ended up with a pissed off traveller and another example of airport security gone wild. Horribly, horribly wild.
It looks like it's been around a while, so I don't know how I've missed it. If you ever want to know how people screw up their opportunities to get laid, How Not To Get Laid is the place to read it. (via)
In promoting his new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Kevin Smith has this to say: "I'll go read Google news, I'll go read Guardian UK, go read our Web site, and then if I've got nothing else, I will just peruse the porn sites, because it's an ever-expanding world...Just when you see the most outlandish clip you could ever see, somebody introduces something new. I just check in periodically just to see how far porn has gone in my absence."
Those guys at the AV Club have all the fun. One of their writers bought a book of paperbacks at a used bookstore, and ended up with some poor-quality sci-fi erotica. The Man From Planet X #1: The She-Beast has a super sexy alien guy with a prehensile penis and the ability to make love to many, many women in the most un-literary ways. The best we've done is found a copy of La Blue Girl at a thrift shop.
People who engage in BDSM aren't disturbed or dangerous, and actually may be having better sex than the 'normals'. Um, duh. Now, I'm not for anything that leaves serious marks on the participants, but getting a little freaky is actually good for couples if they want it that way. It doesn't surprise me that the survey results say, "people who receive the kind of sexplay they desire are happier than those who don't." More proof that those viewing the act of sex without participating haven't a fucking clue about what's 'right' or 'wrong', and shouldn't be allowed to say anything about it.
Take care when entering the country -- the Border Patrol is ready to firmly grab your penis ring and gently tug it away from you. This goes for all sorts of 'mechanical' penis enlargers, whether they constrict blood vessels or just prop up Mr. Johnson while doing his business. The FDA says they don't actually do what they say they will, or at least not in a safe way. Enzyte Bob's still has his passport, though.
Rev. Antonio Rungi of Naples, one of the brains behind the inflatable beach church, has a new plan to attract the lustful to the Catholic faith. The Sister Italia beautycontest is open to nuns from all over the world who can prove their outer beauty matches their inner beauty. The Padre's website says nothing about it, and if he has a blog it ain't showing up in searches, which makes me think it could be a hoax. Still, all I can envision is Evangeline:
Gunslinging nuns from the future are the hottest of all nuns.
Dan Neil of the LA Times gets cute with his description of the Porsche Design Kitchen P'7340. Neil says is a 'Man's Kitchen', even though the Porsche/Poggenpohl website says nothing of the sort, so we'll have to take his word for it. The kitchen itself is only innovative in its use of electronically controlled cabinet doors, which, if you've ever cooked in a kitchen, would probably be a pain in the ass if your hands are covered in raw chicken juice and all you need is a different knife.
As with! any 'concept car', there's always a degree of impracticality to show off the neat stuff designers come up with. The rest of the kitchen's features, however, are high-end appliances, which any cook would enjoy. Still, as for calling it a man's kitchen? It reeks of 80's modernism-minimalism, which really doesn't appeal to me (what do you expect from Porche?), but I don't see anything that would set this apart from any other high-end kitchen. If the general assumption is that men are neanderthals who can barely prepare ramen for themselves, the complexity of the appliances would betray that look. Maybe the lack of obvious appliances is supposed to satisfy some need for men to have an unnoticeable kitchen. Oh, yeah, and as Neil points out, it has a TV, which appeals to both "straight or gay" people, because it's a known fact that who you fuck affects yo! ur appliance purchases. Stay classy, Neil.
Two kids dressed up as ninjas were targeting drug users and dealers, giving them highly poetic threatening messages. Their first target: the 16-year-old girlfriend of one of the ninjas. You see, Nothing is more threatening to a Shinobi Warrior than a 16-year-old Jersey girl. As far as ninjas go, they sucked at it -- nobody sees a ninja who does his job right. If they were real ninjas, the cops would have found an empty car alongside the road and issued a parking violation. I've seen enough movies to know that much. It looks like these two kids had a little too much anime and Red Bull.
I've been known to play chess in the past, but sometimes artists get out of hand designing chess boards. Now, this place is producing chess pieces of people fucking. As if it weren't hard enough to concentrate on chess, now I need distracting pieces? And how do you tell a knight from a bishop? My guess it's more fun to "fondle the bishop", so to speak, than "take a queen".
It's all fun and games until somebody gets caught. A cop was assigned to bust prostitutes, and he claims that, to gather evidence, he'd been told to actually fuck a few hookers. The department says, no, that wasn't the case, but it gets more suspicious when the officer says he tried to follow through with paperwork and fill out 'bodily fluid contact report' forms after doing his civic duty, but was prevented from doing so, and he also says how he ended up with the job because other officer's wifes disapproved of the amount of hooker contact in the assignment. So, amateurish cop gets wrangled into busting prostitutes, has sex several times without anybody raising an eyebrow, everyone tries to pretend it didn't happen, but whe! n he gets caught everybody starts pointing fingers. To protect and serve, my ass.
Today is National Go Topless Day, and I'm disappointed. I haven't seen a pair of bare breasts on the street yet. Events are supposed to start at noon, though, so I guess I'm a little early. Maybe I need to stand on a street corner with the "Show Me Your Tits" sign I took to Sturgis, to provide encouragement to the protestors. Would that help?
We've all known that Russian PM Vladimir Putin is some sort of extraterrestrial superhero, and now it's nice to see him using his powers for good. While visiting a nature preserve, Putin saw a tiger escape, threatening to attack a TV crew. Quick- thinking Putin shot the tiger with a tranquilizer dart and saved everyone's lives. Putin once killed three Chuck Norrises just by sitting up quickly, and once he even counted to infinity...twice.
