More from this gallery >>

Sexy Office Gals!

OK, I'm done with bullshit list day - here's the last one: 48 sexy office chicks. You know how to tell if a woman works in an office? She wears glasses, has hair in a bun, and has some sort of button-up-collared-shirt and a tie. In other words, we've replaced "schoolmarm" with "secretary" as mankinds "sexy but uptight" fantasy, because as we all know, when she lets her hair down and the glasses come off, her gigantic, soft tits are not far behind.


More from this gallery >>

1990s Bands!

Today must be bullshit list day - most of the music I listen to is 90s music, which is now, like 15-20 years old. There's kids graduating highschool that are older than the CDs in my truck. Anyhow, here's 19 of the best 90s bands nobody remembers anymore. Well, except for old losers like me. All are pretty much right on, although 311 sucks, MC Hammer sucks (he's 90s?), Counting Crows kinda sucks, but the rest are pretty spot on. I picked up a House of Pain tape cassette at a rummage sale last summer, and it's one of my favorite things in the world these days. That sentence right there is why I didn't read the article ironically, like the hipsters who were looking for something 'new' to glom on to.


More from this gallery >>

Sex Ed Videos!

Holy crap, I remember at least two of these, and it's no wonder I turned out all fucked up when it comes to sex: the ten wierdest sex ed videos. By 'weird', they mean poorly written, naiive, and bad acting, so it's less 'weird' than 'unsuccessful'. Me, I heard that one time a kid had a boner and it didn't stop getting harder and bigger until it got so big that it broke off. Serious, that one kid who has all the Hustlers told me about it. None of these videos tell me how to prevent that from happening to me. No wonder so many people died due to sexual experience without these films.


More from this gallery >>

Naked Moms!

She's no model, not a porn star, but she jumped through that hoop and posed naked for everyone to see. Four of them arranged to pose naked for an artistic photo shoot. Unfortunately, it's as dogs playing poker, but she wants everyone to remember, as one of the kids would say, "it's okay, Mom; it's just boobies."

Huge Tits In The Bath

The wet turquoise shirt clung to her breasts, which bounced intriguingly as she laughed. She managed to get her jeans off before jumping in the tub, but she couldn't help herself. I, however, don't get that far before I'm in the tub, too. Her shirt is off, soapy breasts pressing into my chest, as I feel her hands fiddling with my fly under the surface of the water. "These need to come off," she says:

More from this gallery >>

Tony Clifton!

Tony Clifton, who may or may not be Andy Kaufman depending on what performance you saw, starts out talking about business, but then starts talking about how awesome the Nevada prostitution industry is. I don't know how full of shit he is (90% of the time it sounds like 100%), but he's got good things to say, so I gotta respect the guy for that.


More from this gallery >>

No Third Boob!

An Italian stripper headed off to Croatia to find a plastic surgeon who'd do a special project for her. You know if she has to go to Croatia, no good will come of this. The stripper wanted the plastic surgeon to add a third breast to her already entertaining chest, but the plastic surgeon, sadly, declined. I'm sure, eventually, she'll find a plastic surgeon who'll do it - I hear in Russia you can get five or six if you really want, I mean, it's Russia, but for the time being her customers will have to do with the two that God gave her. See also.


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

Old Ladies Are Hot!

AskMen just released their top 99 most beautiful women list, and an interesting statistic has appeared: 40% of the women are 30 years old or older, which is a nice change from the child-o-centric worship of twenty-somethings. OK, they're not exactly "old ladies," but if you looked through most magazines they're going to make women in their forties look like grandmas. Let's see that change, publishing industry: society has spoken, women stay hot well into their forties, let's see more of that in the magazines. Especially Selma Hayek. Lots more Selma.


More from this gallery >>

Hustler Christmas Cards!

Now this is a mailing list I'd like to get on - Hustler magazine sends out awesome nicely-illustrated Christmas cards every year, and someone from Mother Jones who moonlights as a Hustler writer wanted to share. The reindeer-and-boobs one totally needs to be made into a wallpaper border for my bathroom. See also Hustler's defusing of arbitration bullshit.


More from this gallery >>

Be A Successful Porn Star!

Want to become a big porn star next year? Marketing, branding, accounting, and SEO are the way to do it. Luke Ford wants to remind you that porn is a fucking business, pun intended, because the 'business' means the same thing no matter which way to take it. Er, that pun intended, too. You'd think people would realize by now that anything you get paid for needs to be treated with the skills of an MBA to maximise profits, but people need a kick in the head sometimes.


More from this gallery >>

Johns: Not Violent!

Good news, prostitutes: you're about as safe as any woman. A new study shows that johns are no more violent than the average male population. Bad news, prostitutes: johns are just as violent as the rest of the male population, meaning a woman is not any more safe on the street than prostitutes are. "It's an outrageous study and it really works towards normalizing sexual assault," says the anti-prostitution corner, who don't seem to realize that this study shows that sexual assault is already normalized in culture - the problem of male violence against women is everywhere, not just a problem with prostitution. Oh the other hand, the study shows that nearly half the men were forced to pay extra, twenty percent were robbed, and slightly fewer were treated badly. Who's the bigger problem, anti-prostitution factions?

Best Toys!

It's 2010, it's been a whole freakin' decade since Y2K, and it's been a good ten years for sex toys. The Metro has picked out the best toys of the decade, although most debuted only in the past year or so. The collective sex-toy memory is a short one; a decade is a loooong time. The rabbit vibrator, however, will probably be #1 on lots of toy lists for years to come, no matter how improved Roxxxy becomes.


More from this gallery >>

Cougars Down Under!

Air New Zealand, no stranger to confusingly sexy ads, has produced a new ad documenting the habitat and behavior of the cougar. From an advertising standpoint, I have no idea what they're selling, other than to appeal to the humor of young men, but it certainly doesn't appeal to feminists, or gender studies experts, and I'm sure that lame 'gay' joke doesn't appeal to homosexual groups either, but I found it kinda funny, so fuck you all, get over yourselves - there's cheap airline tickets to be had!


More from this gallery >>

More from this gallery >>

Sex Detox!

Let's say, you're in a relationship, and you're fucking daily - WELL CUT THAT SHIT OUT! You're making it worse - you need to do a 'sex detox' from time to time, to give you the space to re-evaluate your relationship. Detox isn't simply abstinence - it has exercises and tests and breathing techniques, all sorts of things that are so much more fun to do than have sex. Also, and the article doesn't make this clear: if you're going to sex detox, let your partner know. I don't think forcing abstinence on your lover so you can do breathing exercises is going to improve your sex life in the future, at least until you get over the breakup.


More from this gallery >>

Why Do Men See Hookers?

You know when the article starts, "I don't get anything out of sex with prostitutes except for a bad feeling", you've gonna get an impartial view on sex work. The Guardian apparently found the most fucked-up guys to interview about why they go see prostitutes, and the original study gave guys plenty of room to self-select for men who dislike prostitution. The study also focused on finding out what the men thought about rape, child abuse, coercion, trafficking, etc., which no doubt steered the resonses of future questions. In fact, the report didn't address any positive aspects - the focus was on how to stop prostitution, not better regulation of brothels or improving the lives, business, and health of independent sex workers - where's the research on how to improve customer experience? You ask questions about a bunch of negative aspects, you're going to get a bunch of negative response. "How horrible is trafficking?" means you get one of two answers: the guy supports the position and says, "yes, it's very bad!" or the guy says, "no, trafficking isn't a problem," in which you put a mark in the column for men who don't care about the women who are prostitutes. "When did you stop beating your wife?", so to speak. It's pure manipulative propaganda, a manipulation of supposed 'scientific rigor', to reach an outcome of one result. It's too bad that a group purporting to do good for women - and I certainly hope they make headway against trafficking and abuse - would mess up their methods with shoddy work.


More from this gallery >>

Booze For Boobs!

A bar in Singapore has come up with an extraordinary customer service program: Ladies' Night comes with a free drink based on the size of her boobs. Little boobs get a free beer, all the way up to D gets their own bottle of distilled spirits. The people behind the OverEasy booked DJ DCup - no word on how big the DJs tits are - thus making it a tit-themed evening out. The bar wants to ensure customers know that the size is gauged visually, although I'm sure an enthusiastic patron could request a tactile size check for accuracy.


More from this gallery >>

Giant Russian Porn!

Traffic was brought to a crawl by some inadvertent giant-screen hardcore pornography in Moscow recently. Video is here. It was, of course, blamed on hackers, because nobody in their right mind would want to watch 3000 square feet of tits bouncing in the sky. It also happened at midnight, which means that only people in search of tits were likely to have seen it - so I don't see a downside in any of this. Authorities, however, do, and are investigating.


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

New Security X-Rays OK!

While these new x-ray specs installed in the name of airport security have the world up in arms over invasion of privacy (causing protests in Germany), there's one group of people who are more than comfortable with the clotheslessness of the machinery: Nudists! "So if travelers just think of the screen as a virtual skinny dip, something regarded as American as apple pie since before Norman Rockwell, everyone wins in the name of better air travel security," says the head of the American Association for Nude Recreation, who thinks people are being too uptight about what's underneath their clothes - but, generally, you skinny-dip with people you like, not some low-rent NTSB security guard who's having a bad day. Airline passengers aren't quite that kinky.

More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

Top Models!

OK, we've got the best fetish videos, but how about some normal porn? Freeones has announced their top models are Hanna Hilton, Lisa Ann, and Priya Rai, or in other words, the three finest pairs of giant tits I have ever wished I fall asleep snuggled deep between. One, in my mind, is head and shoulders above the others: Lisa Ann's Paylin schtick gets her a gold medal from me. Never have I fantasized more about an Alaskan Governor's tits, and even goes for Palin herself.


More from this gallery >>

Top Fetish Flicks!

If there's one thing Fox News knows, it's the best fetishes! Doctor Belisa would like to inform you that muscle girls wrestling, kitchen foot crushing, and shirt-ripping were the top three categories at clips4sale. Nothing out of the ordinary; I thought they were coing to be weird or something. She, helpfully, reminds us that women aren't fetishists, because if there's anything that helps a relationship it's downplaying a guy's turn-ons as unappealing. No wonder guys get their toaster stomping videos online than talking to their lover about it.

Local Hookers Only!

The Olympics are coming to Edmonton, and so are the hookers! Prostitution sees a boom wherever the Olympics go, but in Canada - where prostitution is somewhat-legal - Vancouver prostitutes are worried about being edged out by imported escorts. Sadly, it has been hard times for hookers in Vancouver because of the slumping construction market, but a cityful of athletes could provide that shot-in-the-arm that the prostitution industry needs. Vancouver locals say there's already plenty of hookers to satisfy the Olympics requirements, and that an influx of prostitutes will leave a lot of escorts with empty pockets. Take care, prostitutes of Canada: the Olympics won't be the gold medal you might think.


More from this gallery >>

Not A Relationship!

Her story: the sex was good and all, but it wasn't serious or anything, so the greedy bastard doesn't deserve any part of her property. His story: Living together for eleven years, taking family photos and sharing a bed is kinda sorta serious. Good thing they're not in America: around here, unless you're married, your relationship means nothing. Happily, in Australia, they have figured out to weigh the importance of a relationship by all its merits, and now she has to buy out his share of the property within a couple months.


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

Hooker: Zloty Fine!

Being a prostitute in Poland is tough. You know, you work day in and day out, and one day the government sends you a bill for $1,000,000 back-taxes on the, ahem, thirteen million zlotys you made fucking rich guys. There's no room for an honest entrepeneur these days. Sad, really. Part of the rub is that the fistful of zlotys was earned over the past decade or so, and she was 'unemployed' at the time, so while she was a plucky small-business operator, she failed the most important step: pay your taxes and hire a good accountant. Nothing's worse than a hooker with poor actuarial support.


More from this gallery >>

No More Beaver!

The second-oldest magazine in Canada was named after one of its most famous - and profitable - residents, the lowly beaver. Of course, when we see magazines and websites emblazoned with the title, "The Beaver", we expect tits. Tits and crotches. And maybe cigarette ads, and poorly written erotic letters to the editor, and maybe a story about true crime - but tits, definitely tits. The Non-Sexy Beaver has run afoul of internet filters and spamblockers, because nobody in their right mind would name a magazine that in today's day and age, not counting on the fact that in the last century a beaver was simply a waterborne rodent with a flat tail. Sadly, after so many years, the magazine is changing their name, leaving beavers to the back of their nickels.


More from this gallery >>

Viagra: Not Risky!

Doctors are worried: will prescribing an old coot Viagra open him up to orgies and all the diseases that come from such massive amounts of fucking? Of course not, says Science!, who say erectile dysfunction drugs do not affect risky sexual behavior. You know what causes risky sexual behavior in elderly men prescribed erectile dysfunction drugs? All that cocaine and gay sex, that's when. The men fucking recklessly would have otherwise fucked recklessly if they didn't need Viagra, which would deserve a high-five if I wasn't worried about the fluids on the old horny coot's hands.


More from this gallery >>

SQL, .Net, Tight Twat!

Ah, hackers: it's a good thing they'll never learn how to do anything productive, although they almost made an IT department very, very happy. In a rather standard job description on a website, some "hacker" added the requirement "DD Cup breasts, slim waist, tight twat;" somewhere above following policies and procedures and mathematical prowess. "Hacker" is used pretty loosely these days; usually things like this turn out to be an internal prank, followed by a "we thought he'd catch it before it got out to the public!" retraction. And then maybe a firing, creating another open desk waiting to be filled by a DD-cupped IT professional.


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

No Big Boobs For Olympics!

Olympics athlete Jana Rawlinson is prepared to do anything to win the gold - including removing her breast implants. I suppose there were some weight or wind resistance issues, any of which could hold her back that fraction of a second difference between the silver and the gold, but smaller boobs, really? I suppose they can get re-installed later, and then she can dangle that gold medal within her massive cleavage.


More from this gallery >>

Not The First!

You know you're not the first, because she's a slut, right, like your used car! This ad for BMW factory-refurb used vehicles takes a sexy turn, likening a used car to a "used" woman - but take a look at that twist for a second. The idea that she's slept with other men before you is totally not a problem - she's still just as awesome a fuck as a virgin is. She's not 'used' - she's just as good as the first time, guys, so in fact it's a good thing for feminism for this ad to exist. Well, aside from the fact that she looks twelve, and it fetishizes women as sex objects, but you can't win 'em all, right? Eh, yeah, it's fake, but nobody's ever complained that a fake ad gets you too much publicity.

More from this gallery >>

Porn: Dying!

The AVN events ended last weekend, leaving the faint funk of over-eager fans and various flavors of silicone, over which hangs the spectre of the lagging sales and dropping profits. Daily Beast has it wrapped up: 5 reason porn-for-profit is dying. One through three are unsurprising - porn has been lamenting those for years, but the last two show some outside-the-box thinking, even though they're not really backed up with hard evidence. Gaming hurting porn? I'm not so sure there's that big of an overlap in customer base. And "Pornstar Hookers"? That sounds like a boon - like some MFA figured out a way to diversify into mutually-beneficial markets which otherwise overlapped little. Number five might just be pay-for-porn's salvation.


More from this gallery >>

How To Undress!

Man, despite Nazis, the Hayes Code, and the Great Depression, the 1930s sure knew how to strip. How To Undress For Your Husband (and part 2) Elaine Barry Barrymore is the beautie who knows how to undress, but Trixie Friganza gets a few too many fat jokes in part two - I mean, give her huge rack some credit. The one I'd like to see also stars Ms Barry and is called "How To Take A Bath". Dude, somebody has to upload that to YouTube soon.


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

Women: Guilty!

Sorry, ladies, now that it's been proved that only slutty chicks have G-spots, the reason women are less horny than men is because you're so embarassed and ashamed when you're horny that you stop yourself from getting aroused. This appears to have something to do with the inconsistency issue, and what I have to say is this: Women, don't let the pendulum swing back to Victorian prudery, which lets men be fuckmonsters and women are supposed to be virginal and restrained. That social attitude doesn't bode well for you - so don't give in. Be horny, slutty women, and be smart about it so you don't mess things up and give people a reason to look down on you. Fucking is totally worth it, and not a source of embarassment. Change your attitude, and your g-spot might start to grow in.

Sex Robot!

Finally, Bell Labs produces something to make a better world. Debuting at AVN this weekend, Roxxxy the robot has artificial intelligence and is able to fuck you the way you really want it: cold and creepy. The technology is still growing - it has to start somewhere - because, remember those old cellular phones? You gotta start with a StarTAC before you can get to an iPhone, and somewhere in the middle people are going to tell you it's giving you brain cancer whenever you use it. Sex robots have the same path to roll down before they reach their maturity as a product and become something douchebags buy to prove that they're cooler than you, and despite that you secretly want one even though you don't know what you'll do with it.


More from this gallery >>

Sobe Titties!

I'm not sure if this qualifies as actual "body art" - I think it's some sort of skin-tight surface - but dear god it's awesome, and I think the only way to really tell what it is would be to run my fingers over it for a while. This babe is supposedly in some new unknown indie flick called "Twilight" or something - it can't be that vampire movie, because she looks far less gothy and drugged out than that woman who's in all the ads. Anyhow, there's video, too, and if you're not content to just look on the internet, these are supposed to be coming out in the SI swimsuit issue next month, for convenient 'in the bathroom' reviewing of the photos.


More from this gallery >>

Gaga For Polaroid!

Polaroid, a notoriously behind-the-times company that should be so much greater than it is (the SX-70 is an awesome camera), has hired Lady Gaga to be their "creative director and inventor of specialty products". If only she can get them to make 600-format film again, I can re-start my lofi porn studio; if she's remotely smart, she'll take things in a Lomo direction and make expensive crap for hipsters who love that shit. The relationship does hold some promise: if there's one thing Ms. Gaga knows, it's marketing and product development, so we can hope Polaroid is finally getting their shit together for the first time since the 80s.


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

CONTEST, EVERYONE!

Weekend's here, the holidays are finally fucking over, and now I'm sure you're ready to relax and use the ongoing cold as an excuse to fuck and cuddle. So, the news is in that K-Y Intense actually works (nipples too), and I've got one to give away.
In order to enter to win this 10mL bottle of K-Y Intense arousal gel for her, I want to know the answer to this question: Do you stash porn on your computer, or do you maintain a virginal hard drive and get it off the internet when you want it? Sure, there's a certain convenience (and hard drive space is cheap these days) to saving the good stuff in an accessible place, but with the constant stream of new stuff and the risk of being caught with four gigs of boobs there's no reason to download anymore. So, let's hear from you: stash or don't stash? Pick one of three ways to enter:
  • Either post your response here;
  • or Twitter it; you have to in order for me to know you entered;
  • or Email me your entry.
Disclaimers: no monetary value, one vote per entrant, entries limited to people in the United States, don't be an asshole. That last disclaimer applies to pretty much everything at this site. Cut off is the end of the day, Monday, January 11th, 2010, but I may continue to take entries if there aren't enough by that time to pick a winner.Update: I'm going to take entries for the rest of the week. New end of contest deadline - end of the day Friday, January 15.


More from this gallery >>

Fifty Sexiest Things!

Asylum has pulled them all into one convenient place: The 50 sexiest things in 2009. Surprisingly, only about half appeared here on Red-Blooded Thing, but I had far more naked tits, so I'll call it a draw. As for the 50, it's well worth a look - maybe you missed some, too.

More from this gallery >>

Woolie Fetish!

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we're fucking while wearing three layers of sweaters and longjohns, we're woolie fetishists! Sure, LowTax will bust your ass for doing it, but as far as fetishes go, it's relatively low on the perv scale, and G4 - who, unsurprisingly, are up on their fetish heirarchy - wants you to know it's part of a continuum of enclosing clothing fetishes. See also Bruno's woolie nude Berlin show.



More from this gallery >>

Nudist Sea Lion Hate!

They used to remove their clothes and frolick in the frothy, warm sea waters...until that dumb sea lion died. A stretch of public beach used by nudists is now the final resting place of the sea lion, and the nudists say it's on porpoise. Government hates nudes, they say, and instead of moving the 10-foot-long corpse further down the beach, they buried it in the way of nude beach volleyball. Nude beach volleyball is a freakin' American tradition, and nothing short of a rotting sea lion should interfere with the grand old sport. This isn't the first time that nude beach volleyball has been threatened by government interventions.


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

Implants: Awesome!

OK, I'm no fan of breast implants (mostly it's mis-proportioned or poorly done implants that are the problem), but I can't argue against the people who love implants. Like, for instance, women with implants who have improved self esteem because of it. Remember, guys: if she got implants for herself, who gives a fuck what you think.

Community Soapy Pics!

Holy FUCK I have to watch Community tonight. I am 90% sure I'm going to come in my pants with only the stimulation of seeing Alison Brie in a soapy cheerleader outfit. God damn that shit sounds like a bad spam subject line, but I'm totally hard enough to shatter a cinder block. If you fucking call me tonight while this is on I will rip your fucking balls off. Enough said.

More from this gallery >>

More from this gallery >>

Mona Lisa Needs Statins!

Sure, she's the hottest mildly-discontended babe in art, but the Mona Lisa's doctor is telling her to cut out the Cheetos and eat more broccoli. High cholesterol is the diagnosis of an art critic who specializes in cardiovascular illnesses of the canvas, no doubt a career rife with profit, so long as you make wild accusations that make it into the news. On the other hand, I bet she's smiling because there's a pork chop just off the edge of the image. She looks like she loves her pork chops. Too bad, though: today, the woman who posed for the Mona Lisa is now dead. Kinda makes you look at life and be glad you're still alive, doesn't it?


More from this gallery >>

Q Best of 2009!

I've been a fan of Q magazine for a while - my British sensibilities must be why I think most of what's on the American charts is crap. Really, I haven't heard most of what's on the Q Magazine top 50 albums of 2009 - I'm old, dammit, I don't have the opportunity to have some cute twenty-something share their iPod with me - but it gives me a place to start listening going forward.

More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

Avatar Fucking!

Want to see those big-nosed giants from Avatar fucking? wait for the DVD, there's alien sex in the outtakes. "In the film, communication takes place by locking hair with flora and fauna, in a process known as 'synching'," which sounds like a lame-ass way to get laid. Don't search for 'avatar porn' just yet - there's apparently some kid's cartoon called 'avatar' too, and I don't think you want that kind of stuff on your computer. Don't worry - blue aliens with huge dicks will make it to the internet soon, you can bet on it.

Washing The Mini Cooper

If a big racecar makes up for tiny dick, you should check out my tricked out Cooper Mini - a small racecar means...well, you get it, right? Why don't you get that sponge and a bucket and soap up my "cooper", if you know what I mean:

More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>


More from this gallery >>

Vaginal Corona!

Sweden has a new word: slidkrans, or "vaginal corona". It's sort of a shitty translation, which we Americans think sounds funny, but it's designed to replace the old word for a hymen, modomshinna, or "virginity membrane." The Swedes, unlike the morons here in the US, understand that virginity is bullshit - there's nothing 'lost' except the ability to make you feel guilty for losing something - so they've changed the loaded word for something more logical. Thanks, Sweden, for having the smarts to toss out antiquated morality.

No Uglies!

We all know you put on a couple pounds in that month between Thanksgiving and New Years', but we can't punish you for that. Well, we can't, but the dating website beautifulpeople.com is going to boot your ass for being a fattie. "Existing members were asked to decide if they were still pretty enough to be part of the website," and had to upload new pictures of themselves, but out of five thousand only a couple hundred were still enough of a hottie to stay. The rest were invited to re-apply when they've burned off that Hannukah heft and can be evaluated by a team of experts to prove they're not ugly anymore.


More from this gallery >>

YouTube Porn Day, Motherfuckers!

4Chan, lover of all that is wholesome and pure on the internet, have decided to fuck up YouTube again with the first YouTube Porn Day of 2010, commencing today. Apparently, YouTube banned the account of some fat kid, and since 4Chan - and by extension, hacker non-group Anonymous - is almost completely made up of fat kids, they're going to retaliate by uploading all kinds of porn to the no-porn-allowing online video site. I suppose that porn is about the only thing they know, so it's like beating plowshares into swords to fight the King's soldiers for freedom, but instead 4Chan has hermaphrodites and women pooping. So, here's your chance: if you want to see the most fucked-up porn that's ever been on YouTube, get your searches going now - Google is going to be deleting as fast as they can, but if history has taught you anything, it's that jobless losers are faster at slinging shit on the internet than anybody else. Previously.


More from this gallery >>

Porn Industry Needs Me!

...theoretically, at least. Porn doesn't know how to get its mojo back, but plans on figuring it out while in Las Vegas next weekend. I think I saw the movie about people going to Las Vegas to find their mojo - I think there was a tiger in the bathroom and the Spanish teacher from Community, then Cameron Diaz killed Christian Slater, and then Meathead's dad helped rob a casino. None of which had anything to do with fucking, so let's hope that a convention center full of huge tits will be just as stimulating as it sounds.


More from this gallery >>

G-Spot: Myth!

I'm not trying to make it a "pick on women" day, but the news hasn't been good for female sexuality lately. Not only are you not thinking sexually, or eating sexually, now now they're taking your G-spot away. The last thing women want to hear, of course, is "Freud is wrong", but the mythical orgasm jackpot appears to be a myth. One positive note: slutty college students are more likely to say they've got one, so you're still in luck, guys: she still thinks your dick is the best way to reach an orgasm.


More from this gallery >>

Fish Oil: DRUGS!

Want good sex? put down the fucking Cheetos and eat some Chicken of the Sea. In the book The Orgasmic Diet, wants you to know just how much your diet sucks. Oh, and caffeine and soy are both out, so it's no wonder that skinny vegan at the coffee shop has a look on her face like she hasn't gotten laid in years.


More from this gallery >>

Women: Inconsistent!

Here's another difference between men and women: men's state of sexual arousal matches their brain and their body pretty well, while women's sexual response is less consistent between what the head and the crotch are doing. I'll have to admit, though, any guy who's got a boner but his brain isn't thinking sexy thoughts had better talk to his doctor, something ain't right. Women, on the other hand, need to do a bit more, er, "inner reflection" to know what's going on down there. I, for one, volunteer to help with the examination. Don't worry, you'll know exactly what I'm thinking.


More from this gallery >>