Angus Young, You Ain't

Shorts to work? Not if you wear a jacket and tie with it, otherwise you guarantee you look like an jackass. I'm not talking about shorts and a polo shirt; that can look OK. But, shorts are never part of a suit ensemble. And, look, you made me use the word "ensemble". Shorts and a short-sleeved shirt with a collar: fine. Shorts with two layers on top: retarded. Shorts with a tie: retarded. Shorts with a long-sleeved shirt: retarded. Shorts with long socks: retarded. Shorts with a long-sleeved shirt, jacket, tie, and long black socks: good god, you're going to get your ass kicked when I get there.

National Orgasm Day!

It's National Orgasm Day, and even though it's only 3:45 in the afternoon I've already had 186 orgasms. I'm drinking lots of water, and I'm under the supervision of a trained physician, so I should be OK. Sure, the effort is starting to wear me down, but I'm pretty sure I can hit my goal of 300 orgasms by midnight tonight.

Hollywood Swingers

Find yourself anywhere Hollywood, Florida today? Swingfest 2008, a swinger's convention and sex-toy-show, it going full-swing! Oh, is that a swing and a miss? Sorry for the crappy puns -- back to Swingfest: It's running through the weekend, so you've got plenty of time to swing on by.

Sexist Male Drivers

Top Gear checked with Australian men and found that most have bad views of women drivers, even though men drivers have accidents more frequently. While I could make all kinds of jokes about women drivers, I'd be better off pointing out that there's definite adverse selection by querying only men who read magazines about high-performance cars.

Sexy, Superhero Barbie

What do you get when you dress Barbie up like a hot superhero? Moral outrage! Barbie's never been known as the mousey, unattractive type, and female superheros were largely added to attract girl readers -- and they're saying that these types of female imagry have been OK for boys to see for the past fifty years? Barbie can't get a break. Portray her as a vacuous fashion model: outrage. Portray her as a self-confident defender of truth and justice, stronger than a normal man: outrage. I'll bet you seventy-five cents that "PTA Post-Breast-Reduction WASP Barbie With Sensible Pant-Suit" would generate just as much outrage.

Lou Doillon, Interview Magazine

French actress, musician, and mother Lou Doillon is not shy in front of the camera, as she proved for the August 2008 issue of Interview magazine:

Calling Gals 'Guys'

The Chicago Tribune has an article on calling any group of humans "guys", even if there's ladies in the midst. I'm guilty of it, and I'm not sure it's that big of a deal, but I'm not sure women have thought the alternative through. isn't the opposite of "guys" "girls"? Informal terms for women have tended to be demeaning by modern standards: dolls, chicks, babes, girls; 'ladies' is pretty good, but I think the point is to remove gender from it altogether. Gender neutral isn't something English does well, unless we start using "y'all" *shudder*

Kid Turns In Forgery Mom

See, this is why you shouldn't instill children with a sense of right and wrong...well, if you make a living breaking the law, that is. A 10-year-old kid turned in his mom for forging money and ID cards. She posted bail shortly after being arrested; I hope the sheriff had a plan to protect the kid -- that'd be the worst grounding ever.

Nude, Drunk, And Impaled

No, it's not how my girlfriend spent last night (hey-o!) Combine a drunk male sunbather, copious alcohol, peeing whereever's convenient, and a strategically placed iron spike, and you're likely to end up with an embarrassing non-life-threatening impalement.

Getting A Gal

Want to get a gal of your very own, instead of these online nudie chicks you see around here? It's not hard, according to this guy, who just wrote a book after being a relationship blogger for some time.

Sam De Brito's 10 tips for attracting a woman

1. Stay healthy
2. Don't abuse alcohol or drugs
3. Have a job that means something to you
4. Be busy with your own activities
5. Be well groomed and clean
6. Have a sense of humour
7. Talk to women as individuals, not as a gender
8. Be a gentleman
9. Don't hang out with "loser" friends
10. Have a clean bedroom, clean sheets - and a lamp to create romantic lighting

They're all pretty good, but that #9 bothers me -- what if the guy is the loser friend? Is he shit out of luck, or does he need to find less cool friends? However, in the end, I can sum up the 10-step list in three words: give a damn.

How Much Grooming, Men?

Tad and Molly at the Times Online chit-chat about men wearing makeup -- verdict? Molly: "what women want is men who are stylish without being vain."

Panties of a Queen

No, nobody sexy -- the 50-inch-waisted bloomers of Queen Victoria found their way into an auction and sold for thousands of dollars. Infamous for her disinterest in sex, I doubt anybody ever really got a good look at these before the internet plastered them all over the world. While the Queen wasn't that hot, don't fret: check out the model wearing the knickers in the auctioneer's file photo.

Groovin' on Vinyl

Turntable sales are up a third over the past year, CDs are down a sixth over that same time: a short, generic article from the Washington Times on the vinyl resurgence.

More Than Missionary

Those who are criticising me are those for whom sex is only done in the classic missionary position. But that's not the only way to do it and those who criticise my personal affairs have no right to do so, says Max Mosley, head of Formula One Racing -- an excellent sentiment, which continues to point out that homosexuality and transvestitism was once illegal, so anyone who would judge Max for a five-prostitute bondage romp is unreasonable. Oh, except for his wife, that is. In case, like me, you're wondering how easy it is to get five BDSM prostitutes together at once, the ladies has more incentive than just a grand apiece; News Of The World (who 'broke' the story) worked out a deal with the prostitutes to give NOTW a video of the events for a ,000 priceta. Who ever heard of a tabloid overblowing a sex story, exaggerating Nazi imagery (and is somehow offended that anybody in 1930s Germany supported Hitler), and then disclose what was assumed to be a private event in great detail to the public? The courts, showing a pleasant inclusion of smarts, says Mosley had every right to privacy, and public morals don't extend to private events.

Don't worry, gents: she does prove that, underneath that dress, there's a naked lady waiting to be ogled by the likes of you:

Rocketeer, He Ain't

A New Zealander has come up with a working "jetpack" -- which is neither backpack-sized nor actually 'jet' in the true sense -- showing off its hovering and flying ability at a Wisconsin air show. In true form, most nerds complain that it's not small enough, not powerful enough, nor Buck-Rogers enough, but I'd like to see any of them turn down a ride in the thing.

World Orgasm Record!

Sex Machines Australia now claims the world record for fully-clothed non-hypnotized orgasms (although I'd like to know who does hold the world record for nude hypnotized orgasms). Their booth at the Australian Sexpo seems to be popular with the ladies, so long as they're willing to lend their clit to a sex-machine's advertising campaign.

Lilly Pink Panties In The Bath

This Sarah-Vowell-lookalike wants to show you just how clean she can get in her pink panties. OK, at least I think she looks like Sarah Vowell; maybe if Vowell were twenty years younger and a porn star. Wait -- Sarah Vowell, porn star...hmmmmmmm........I'll run with that thought, while you gaze at this young lady's bathing habits:

Men: Older And Happier

Good news for guys on the higher side of his 30s like me: as we age we tend to think we've achieved our life-goals, moreso than women. Note "think" in that sentence: I'm not sure it has anything to do with actual goals, other than deciding that we're happier with where we are at the time. That 'cup-half-full' attitude has quite a bit to do with being in a relationship, although women don't quite get to that point like men. Women however, are happier when they're independent and young. ;

Spontaneous Condom Shopping

What do you do when a pack of condoms appears on your customer loyalty card statement? No, don't assume it's a mistake -- go nuts on your beau and threaten to leave him even though he insists he's not cheating. Oh, then ask your mom if she used the card for condoms. Such a loving, trusting relationship; they'll be together forever I'm sure. As for the condoms: apparently it's possible to 'accidentally' key in an embarrassing product on several customer's purchases before anybody notices. The anarchy resulting from obsessive-compulsive statement readers makes me want to print out random-number customer loyalty cards and go condom-nuts down at Byerly's.

Good God, Put Down The Makeup

Apparently, there's a niche and need for "men's makeup". Dave Navarro and Marilyn Manson are about the only two guys who can pull it off, and that's because either one of them can kick your fuckin' ass twice before you hit the ground. The rest of you guys? Put down the mascara, have a whiskey coke, watch a movie about racecars or outer space, and then you can have your man-card back. Christ, if you're objective is to look more feminine than your girlfriend, you're missing the point.

This is one flasher who wouldn't warrant calling the cops...unless the policewoman was hot too. And brought her handcuffs. I'll take my chances with just the gal in the trenchcoat for now:

Once upon a time, I could've joked about how this gal is playing with Monopoly money, with it's artsy pictures and funny colors, but now that the dollar is tanking I have to be content with the fiduciary pleasure of this woman's 'safety-deposit box':

Soy = Fewer Swimmers

A half serving of soy a day reduces sperm counts, even causing infertility. Now, I'll admit I don't mind tofu when it's prepared right, but a nice tri-tip steak will always kick soy's ass when it comes to my protien cravings. It seems that soy is girly to begin with -- it has estrogen-increasing properties -- so this gives guys a perfect way to deal with their hot vegetarian girlfriends: "Honey, you know what soy does to my little troopers..." Let the gals get the estrogen boost, and you order a California burger; your sperm will love you for it.

Super Penis Power!!!

An artist in Madrid is making sure nobody mocks his manly 'size' by projecting an enlarged image of his penis onto buildings around the Almudena Cathedral. Some guys buy Maseratis, some guys buy a 10-gauge shotgun, others just start fucking college girls who don't know any better. This artist, my friends, is calling male enhancement "art". Enzyte Bob would be proud.

Hey, cutie, how's about -- HEY, THAT'S UNCALLED FOR. Bitch.

Send Liquor, Guns, and Money

Running a sex club in Dallas sounds like a sweet deal: $10,000 a month hosting swinger's clubs. Oh, the drugs, liquor, and loaded guns? That's not going to attract attention right? Hey, judge: you're in Texas, the newspapers have apartments advertising guns and booze as bonus amenities for paying rent on time. While I find their reason to raid a sex club dubious at best, the one thing people in fringe businesses need to realize is: mind your freaking p's and q's. Mobsters go to jail for tax evasion, not murder; these sex club operators are going to get smacked for not having a liquor license, fire code issues, security problems, and al! l the stuff any business operator has to worry about. Note to self: store my guns, drugs, and liquor down at Aéropostale. You never hear of police raiding an Aéropostale for code violations.

Such complicated underwear, so much fun to watch her wiggle out of it:

Double Bubble

Alisa and Nata are having quite the fun in the bubble bath -- enough fun that I think it'd like to just watch for a while...but I can guarantee it won't be long before I'm joining in the fun myself:

Put a Dodge In Your Garage

Back in the seventies, you could get a conversion van tricked out with all kinds of accessories -- including a hot pair of natural tits pressed against the back window. Those dealerships think of everything! See a big version and another view at this Flickr slideshow:

Helen Kendall: Vintage Babe

These scans come from a "Surprise Edition" of Black Garter magazine; not dated, but looks late 50s or early 60s. Helen Kendall, according to the writer of the article "Cameras Should Be Fun...":

...Besides her beauty, this gal has lots on the proverbial ball. I told you about her great collection of lingerie and shoes. Well, there are two things I goofed on. First, she is an embryo lensgal. She is learning how to take fotos of herself and I allowed her (with the aid of a timer, a very valuable piece of equipment to any fotog) to take her own picture which you will find on these pages. It's the one where she's reclining full length on the setee. Her costume is leather opera gloves, black dance panties, and sheer jet hose. How do you like it?

Wearing nothing but overalls is one of the hottest things a gal can do; it shows just enough, but not all...and there's two convenient snaps that opens everything wide open:

Fifty Hot Wonderwomen

Now, dressing up as a superhero really does raise the curve a bit for hotness; an average-looking babe gets +50 points for putting on a Leia Slavegirl outfit -- but here, honestly, are 50 truly hot chicks in Wonder Woman costumes:

Bits'n'Pieces - 7/19/2008

Vicious kangaroos are stalking the Australian suburbs, knocking old women down and savaging them -- who will save them? Cuddles, the Kangaroo-Attacking Guard Dog. Cuddles, however, will meet his match when he runs into the Koala Who Was Kit By A Car and Smashed Through the Grill But Is Doing Fine, a/k/a Doctor Babyraper.

Wonder why the bar's DJ is so damn loud? To get your ass drunk. No, it's not an excuse to sniff a gal's hair while you're speaking so close to her ear to be heard. Or so I've been told.

For the immature dudes viewing this site: foods whose names sound like sex acts.

Employees with huge tits? Don't complain; they'll sue your ass.

Ashley Dupre was a dental hygenist before sleeping with the New York Gov--oh, wait, that's a different one. Dental Dupre is suing the escort one for 'identity theft'.

Bad grouper can have a poison that makes you sick as hell, but makes you feel hot things as cold, and cold things as hot. Didn't KY Jelly market that recently?


Obvious: Don't call the judge an asshole. More obvious: when the judge asks, "what?" in disbelief, don't say it again.

It's the hottest days of summer, so less clothes is best -- Cali Logan figures out what to do when you're down to just your bikini at the pool:

Glasses -- gotta say I love a gal in glasses. Oh, and a gal who'll take her clothes off for me. Nudity, and glasses, a winning combination:

Faith Belle, Wet Tank-Top Bathing

I'm not sure how Faith Belle keeps her eyeliner in such pristine condition while bathing. She starts off in a tank-top, which might have something to do with it. I think I may need to examine her a bit closer to see if I can find out the source of her 'talents':

Bare tits in the Lit Lounge in Manhattan:

Yes, yes it is:

More transparent tops -- why don't I run into girls wearing nothing but fishnet when I walk down the street? I'm hanging out at the wrong picturesque vistas, it seems:

Naughty Chrissy's Naughty Bath

With a name like "Naughty Chrissy," it doesn't seem like much of a challenge to fuck her in the bath...it seems like, with the name 'naughty,' you'd expect it to randomly happen without warning on any given day. Not that I'd complain; a life with random bubble-bath blowjobs would be heaven.

Sorry for the non-nude gallery, but this Ariel is just too cute to pass up...she's got nude stuff throughout her site, so you this isn't a boobie-drought or anything:

Boots With Buckles

Since we're talking about feet and I've got shoes on my mind -- If you're out shopping for some ass-kicking kick-ass boots, promise me you won't pull any of this bullshit:



These are Gucci boots, priced at $990 at Nieman Marcus. Yes, they're in the men's shoes section, even though they look like cast-offs from a Joan Jett video. Nearly a freaking grand for some ugly ass boots. No, those buckles are useless -- they zip on the side away from the camera (although, according to Gucci, the buckles are "antiqued", which means "I'm pretending to look like someone who actually wears boots with buckles"). So, let's add it up -- four fucking buckles, laces up the front, and it zips. Two of the buckles apparently hold down a flap over the laces, which isn't such a bad idea, if these were practical boots in any sense.

Here's what you need to do if these even remotely appeal to you: go to a store that sells boots, ask for "engineer boots", and try them on until you find ones that fit. The single buckle over the ankle doesn't make for a great fit, so try on a bunch. Some will feel like galoshes, really wide around the ankle and toes, but if you sample enough you'll find the right ones for you. Engineer boots are all relatively similar in construction, but the soles are probably one of the big things to check -- some have really smooth bottoms, some have waffle soles. The boots hold your ankle relatively stiff, so a smooth sole might be too slippery for some floors. If the fifty dollar ones fit, great, if the $200 ones fit, good for you. If anyone tries to sell you thousand dollar boots with "antiqued" buckles slapped on all over, kick them in the crotch.

Digging Out My Chuck Taylors

Until I catch the eye of manufacturers and start getting review samples, I feel like I'm stuck giving obvious information. Still, looking at the "men's fashion" blogs out there (which are still stuck in metrosexuality, it seems) are missing the average guy's fashion, stuff that doesn't cost a couple hundred bucks and you'd cry if you spilled anything on it because the label says the poufy shirt can only be hand-washed by eunuch monks of outer mongolia. So, here's my fashion tip, which evolves from a guy getting dressed in the morning.

See, it's summer, but my fashion doesn't change much: jeans, t-shirt, whatever socks sorta match; Gracie says my socks don't match, but they're black and the same length, and that's close enough. In other footware news, last year I bought a pair of brown leather bowling-style shoes whose looks improve the more scuffed up they get. However, they're leather, my feet are sweaty, so I dug out my summer footwear -- Chuck T All-Stars by Converse:



In my dad's generation, these were pretty much all you had, aside from what we'd call 'dress' shoes today. Black or white were the poor kid's versions, but if your dad had a good job, you might be able to get red or blue ones, but that'd be a stretch (dad wouldn't want to spoil you, you know). By the time I was a kid, they were retro, and my parents bought me Chuck Ts of my own. Sadly, I was a poor kid, too, so I got the discount-rack Converse that were, for the most part, the previous year's 'special edition' monstrosities (like these from this year). One year, I got All-Stars with Rolling Stones lips all over them, another year they had thicker treads and were billed as 'outdoorsman' Chuck Taylors. When I got my own money, I went for the best kind of All-Stars: Black. They were what guitarists, artists, mechanics, and pizza delivery guys wore. Yeah, I wasn't aspiring to high-income careers, but style isn't about looking like a million dollars. That's what the fashion blogs are missing -- looking like the somebody you want to be.

So, for years I've always had a pair of Chuck Ts in my closet, not to wear to work (it's asking to lose a toe), but for knuckling around in. I also picked up a pair of white All-Stars, just for a little variety and a half-assed attempt at acting like I pick my shoes to match my outfit. Last week I picked up my paycheck wearing the black All-Stars, and the hot tattooed chick at work complimented me on my footwear -- scuffy leather bowling shoes, no reaction, but All-Stars, they did the trick.

Emma Hack's Wallpaper Body Paint

Emma Hack has a knack for hiding some lovely things in plain sight -- namely, melting gals and their friendly breasts into the wallpaper background. It's like "Where's Waldo", but with areolas:

That top can't be too practical; you can't wear it out on the street, can you? Although, I'm sure it's doing everything it's supposed to, and most of its usefulness happens up in the bedroom:

I'd like to wander through her stacks, and check out her "library of congress" categories...eh, it sounded sexier in my head:

Lovely nipple rings to clench between my teeth; her hands are bound, so she can't stop my tomfoolery (not that she'd want to, methinks):

Heidi's Soapy Candy Dish

Heidi's getting herself -- and her thong -- nice and clean for anybody interested in sampling her 'candy', so to speak . Me, I'm happy to sample it in the bath, so I'm sure it's pure and clean. She sure looks pure and clean, right?

Audiowood Fine Turntables

Audiowood has some excellent real-wood turntables for the discering audiophile. If you've had to pull apart a turntable to fix it (or at least change a belt) you know that they pretty much all work the same inside, and they're inserted into different housings depending on need. Audiowood uses solid fine wood to create beautiful turntable housings that look like they belong in a hunter's shack or in the game room of some lodge. They don't use a crappy BSR or made-in-China-for-Walmart dropins, though; the turntable and tonearm are quality machinery, and when combined with a dense, heavy mounting material I'm sure they sound great. They don't display prices, which, of course, means a working stiff like me probably can't afford them...but a guy can wish, you know.

Those huge breasts look a little constricted there...here, let me give them a hand...or two...and let them have a little breathing room:

It's so hard to tell a good angel from a bad angel these days -- I guess I'll just have to take my chances and see where things go:

Chinos For Your Legs

As I've mentioned before, I'm a crappy dresser in the summer. Pretty much everything in my closet is described as "rugged," which keeps me from having to replace things every month, but it doesn't keep me all that cool in the summer. I used to end up wearing jeans all summer anyway, just because I'm not big on shorts and they fit me well. So, when we combine the degree of heat-containing clothes I wear on a regular basis, it looks like I'm just begging to get heatstroke. Last summer, however, I found a couple pairs of these on a sale rack in the fall, and I'm noticing I'm wearing them on weekends quite a bit:

They look like the khaki slacks that I wear for special occasions, but they're not quite -- chinos are a breed closer to work slacks, and they're made of a bit heavier fabric than your average trousers...which makes them feel more like jeans. Don't get the front-pleat crap: you're not pretending they're dress slacks, so don't go that route, and like I usually say, get functional-sized pockets, not those worthless small slit-in-the-side pockets that they put in most slacks. When I tried them on I found them to be more relaxed than slacks, too, which makes them more comfortable for summer wearing. I still wear one of my work-style shirts with them, cuz thankfully I don't own any of those knit polo shirts like in the above picture; they're always too tight around the neck and sleeves, I just can't wear 'em. The button-down shirt with a square bottom is great for the summer, because they can be worn untucked, and the collar plus khaki pants look fancier than they really are. And I don't feel bad about wearing them to mow the lawn.

Tiffani In The Bath

Tiffani peels off her purple dress and tries her best to get clean...I think she needs a little help, though; I volunteer to start at her nipples:

While I do love the frilly undies, there's a certain beauty for the everyday underwear; if she's comfortable, she's much more receptive, you know:

Tiny pink socks and little else:

Hollowed-Out Books Hide Porn

Man, I shop at all the wrong places (althoughI guess we have found hardcore porn in thriftshops) -- this guy, a online bookseller, got an offer from a kindly old lady to buy her entire collection of books. Little did he know, the books would contain far fewer words than expected, and far more polaroids of tits and cocks:



(via)

Stripes on the bottom, fishnets on top -- something's a little upside down, but I can't complain:

She's ready for you, the bed is made, and she's working her way out of the lingerie: