Male Hookers!

Why haven't there been legal male prostitutes in Nevada all these years? It appears to have been a bureaucratic limitation in disease testing, but no more: The state of Nevada has approved male testing, so brothels are now hiring guy prostitutes. The approved test is a 'urethral swab', which makes me cross my legs involuntary, but, hey, if it's your job, you've gotta go with it. So, economy got you down? Porn just not paying the way it used to? Go live in luxury, fucking other people for money - Nevada has your back, man-whores!

Free Sex In Germany!

Planning your trip to Denmark for the climate summit? Don't forget to schedule lots of time for whores! Copenhagen hookers have offered free 'services' for people attending the conference, as a big 'fuck you' after the mayor of Copenhagen warned hotels and tourists to avoid patronizing the local prostitutes. I am also very disappointed to find out that "Gropenhagen" is a pun, and not an actual place; I would totally move there and set up a naughty website.

Google Hookers!

Omigod - Google Street View actually shows Google Street Walkers! Er, maybe, maybe not - while some might actually be such a thing, more than likely these are just women dressed sexy, going to the beach, but just happening to be standing next to the road waiting to cross. But, hey, if your boss has porn blocked, at least you have something to fall back on.

Hooker For Pregnancy!

What do you do when your wife gets pregnant? Sign up for five months of hooker fucking! A Swedish prostitution sting operation caught a 39-year old man, who was trying not to fuck his pregnant wife, instead choosing to fuck Russian prostitutes. The prosecutor, after reading the man's heartfelt request for leniency, decided to help the guy out and mailed his citation to his work address so his wife wouldn't have to find out. Remember, he loves his wife very, very much, so much that he'd rather fuck a Russian whore than upset his wife's delicate condition. And let the story be printed anonymously in the paper, so every woman within a month or two of giving birth can now suspect her husband of solicitation.

Hooker Competition!

Prostitution has traditionally weathered economic downturns well, but this era has produced a worthy competitor: people hooking up via dating sites, chat, Facebook, etc. are replacing hiring a hooker as a penis-friendly pasttime. There's enough people out there willing to fuck for fun that there's fewer people willing to pay for it, and that has hookers at a disadvantage. They need a stimulus bill, don't you think: a Cash for Clunkers deal, so to speak: stop the economically damaging behavior, get people to spend some money and bouy the markets. Prostitution is a nationwide industry, too!

Cop Is Undercover Hooker!

An entrepeneurial prostitute decided to prey on her customers' worst fears: the hooker, once alone with her john, pretended to be an undercover cop, but the kind of cop that'd let off somebody for a bribe and a handshake. Far less work than her usual trade, but, well, extortion is frowned upon almost as much as prostitution, so she ended up in jail anyway.

Johns Subculture!

Police have caught on to the fact that online communities feed and support "johns" and their hobbies - and they're surprised, oh no, that soliciting prostitutes isn't an independent, solo act of a lonely, dangerous man. Let's read our history book, shall we, police? For thousands of years, if you wanted to buy sex, you went to a brothel of one sort or another, whether it's as organized as the Romans or as disorganized as a medieval pub. There was no "he's a lonely pervert wandering the streets alone" - brothels were a fucking party (in more ways than one, so to speak). Shutting down the American brothels forced prostitution to go solo and isolated (and some might argue made it more dangerous for everyone). The current bar and stripclub scene are the continuation of the "first floor of the brothel"; that it totally how guys, from ancient greeks to straightlaced victorians, like to find women and fuck 'em, and the brothel made things convenient. Look at the brothels in Nevada and Europe: the front end is a bar where everybody socializes. Guys want that cameraderie, and if they've found it online - with excellent opportunity for anonymity - more power to 'em.

Craig's No Pimp!

After pulling back on their 'adult entertainment' ads at the request of various states' attorneys general, Craigslist has been sued for being, maybe, a little more pimpy than originally thought. No so, says a judge, who has ruled that Craigslist isn't involved in prostitution, which means I can still safely connect with college girls paying for their nursing degree by escorting, with the ease and simplicity of an online classified ad website. God Bless America!

Hookers: Tax Deductible!

Tax lawyer William G. Halby just got screwed, but by the U.S. Government. In recent years, Halby spent over $100,000 on prostitutes, pornography, and other sexual experiences, and then tried to deduct it on his taxes as medical treatment. Not so fast, says the Supreme Court: no prescription, no medical treatment deduction. There's your loophole, whore aficionados: get a doctor to prescribe prostitutes as treatment for something - depression, social anxiety disorder, or as exercise to control your heart disease - and you can fuck tax-free 'till the cows come home. Make sure you do it someplace where hookers are legal, though: New York, as Halby found, doesn't let you deduct illegal activities. Also, don't be a tax lawyer, either: the courts frowned on the shenanigans, and fined Halby extra because he shoulda known better.

Bikini Coffee = Hookers!

You've been able to ogle shapely women while buying coffee in Seattle for a while, but some of these boobie baristas have run afoul of the law. Turns out, looking equals performing arts - but letting a little touching happen? That's a-whoring. Five babe-aristas were cited with prostitution by augmenting their tips by allowing a little frisky fondling, along with licking cream off each other, and actually doing some nude photo posing. Those cops spent two of the happiest months ever spying on the babes in order to gather evidence for the trial.

Gym Teacher Hooker!

So, this hot gym teacher starts work as a prostitute. Business picks up, so the educator decides to make some money on the side and open a brothel. First step is to recruit his wife to help with the business. Wait, um...what? A husband and wife team have been arrested for operating a brothel, and both are cited for having sex for money. Sadly, he's now lost his job over this (which shouldn't have surprised him), but - even worse - the wife is out on bail, while he is still in custody.

Hooker Grave: Slutty!

Over in Germany, where being a well-known prostitute isn't a bad thing, the authorities are up in arms because one so-called famous hooker's grave is too slutty for pubilc consumption. The photo in the article isn't it (although it's not hard on the eyes): the original gravestone design was "a gravestone featuring two ample pink marble boulders in homage to her famously top-heavy figure..." So, one more rule for my notebook: graveyard tits are too slutty.

Pfeiffer, Bates: Hookers OK!

Michelle Pfeiffer and Kathy Bates have come out in favor of the legalization of prostitution after appearing as hookers in a new period piece. Wait - Kathy Bates plays a courtesan? Er, yeah, I'll run right out to see that. Anyhow, while I appreciate their support, I think basing their decision on a Hollywood idea of prostitution may be limiting. Pfiffer added, "we wouldn't want all women to miss out on the opportunity to learn something about themselves and find love in the process - because that's what prostitution is all about!"

Nice Guys Sex Ring!

Holy fuck, it's a good thing these guys got caught and taken off the street: "The Minnesota Nice Guys" were a group of 30 or so affluent Twin Cities men who flew in hookers for their own entertainment. As you might expect, the article is full of information on how they brutalized the women, abused children, and used drugs to control their sex partn...oh, wait: all they did was have sex with high-end call girls, such as a thirty-something ex-teacher from Colombia? Ah, it's about illegal immigrants - dear god, those monsters! It's a good thing the Violent Offender Task Force is cracking down on the Minnesota Nice Guys. They are exactly what the anti-prostitution lobbies say is the problem with prostitution.

Prostitute Gets Estate!

After having a 'falling out' with his father, Robert Walters, Jr was cut out of the will. To add insult to injury, who did the estate go to? Walters, Sr's live-in caretaker..."with benefits". Claiming his father was manipulated by handjobs and hummers to give his estate to an escort instead of his only son, Junior is realizing something about the world: if you and your dad don't get along, he's going to find somebody else to reward for their kindness. Junior is suing, in hopes of proving in court that blood is thicker than hookers.

Hooker: Free Ad Bad!

Let's say you run a sex-focused website, and you need content. Why not take ads for escorts from other websites and run them for free on your own? No go, says those free-ad hookers, adding: "It's attracting idiots, bloody psychos. They say they are just making inquiries but they just sound weird. I had one who asked me if I would come up to Auckland." My guess is "coming up to Aukland" is something akin to a snowball blowjob, but I'm not sure. Anyhow, advertising gurus know you want ads targeted and relevant, which is why you can't see an unblurred T-shirt in a rap video or on John and Kate Plus 8. The guy who ran the ad for free thinks the prostitutes are crazy to be against his charity, claiming lots of women enjoyed the free attention. My guess is those homely hookers were more than willing to "come up to Aukland," so to speak.

Best Dad Ever!

Sometimes, dad's just do the right thing. When trying to figure out what to give his son as a gift, this dad was truly inspired: he decided to take his son to a prostitute, to lose his virginity. Best. Present. Ever. Apocryphally, this isn't particularly uncommon, but the stars weren't aligned for this dad - he got caught in a prostitution sting. The judge felt for the father's attempt at being a good daddy, and let him go without any jail time. Thank god for reasonable judges! No word on the state of the son's virginity, especially now that it is prime-time news.

A Hooker To Cry On!

As the global economy suffers, Russian men are turning to prostitutes more than ever. Why? Because you pay hookers for their time, and they're good listeners. Who needs sex anyways - they probably have wives at home anyhow - but if they want somebody to care, they gotta find an escort. Way to be emotionally secure in yourself, Russian men, but kudos for using hookers for their main purpose: companionship.

Debate: Prostitution Wrong?

Debating a negative is kinda hard to follow, but those smarties at NPR could do it: they gathered a panel of intelligensia to debate the topic, Is It Wrong To Pay For Sex? in a moderated and rule-bound debate, which is a far cry than most crappy discussions in the media. After the debate, the audience was polled, and they found that 45% agreed that it was wrong to pay for sex, 46% thought it wasn't wrong to pay for sex, with a few undecided. Which gender thought it was more OK to pay for sex? Men, of course, thinking with their dicks when it comes to matters of public policy, just like that sewer tax referendum last summer.

No Menu: Woot!

Pro-tip: When attending a massage parlor, look for a price guide - if they don't advertise rates and things are negotiable with the masseur, you might be in a den of prostitution. One such establishment, unfortunately, has run afoul of the authorities by performing massages without a license, presumably because hand-jobs aren't the usual licensed-masseur fare. Also of note: The spa also has a dungeon. Palm beach sounds fucking awesome. The massage parlors around here just have aromatherapy foot baths in the basement. Believe me, I checked.

No Hooker Tax!

Be glad, oh patrons of the world's oldest profession: Nevada's politicians decided against a tax on prostitution, because the more tax the brothels pay, the more influence they have as a genuine business. Because, y'know, there's nothing businesslike about a transaction for services that involves an exchange of money.

Hooker Chimps!

Up next on a very special Lancelot Link: A young chimpanzee girl is forced into prostitution, only to be paid in Baconators for her...oh, wait - female chimps in the wild do accept payment of meat for sex, no coercion or violence involved. Now, next time you want to have some hot chimpy sex, you won't have to date her for a month or two before she puts out - bring some Braunschweiger and you won't have to rent that hotel room for the whole night.

Hooker Abolition: Fail!

Will abolishing prostitution stop human trafficking? Of course not, says "Foreign Policy in Focus", who recognizes that, although obvious, traffickers are doing something illegal - trafficking - and the trafficking is what needs to be stopped through efforts to, you know, stop trafficking rather than using it as an excuse to stop prostitution. The best results can be had by supporting the legal sex workers, so that there's no market for such illegal tomfoolery, and making it easy to monitor who's doing what. FPIF does a good job of pointing out the stupid and contradictory "evidence" used by the abolitionists, who demonize pretty much everyone involved and make absurd accusations like how nearly all Amsterdam hookers are the victims of white slavery.

Porn Star Stewardess!

A stewardess' after-hours job has gotten some attention: she has been moonlighting as a porn star named Edita Bente, in between offering people pillows and peanuts at 30,000 feet. The awesomest part of the story: her job is safe, because the airlines have the common sense to recognize that a person's free-time is unrelated to their job. Intelligence wins!

Reasons We Love Whores!

The Daily Spank has provided a very important list: Seven reasons to love whores. Not just "love" whores, but revel in the fact that such a thing exists. Sometimes, we forget the reason to love things that are always around you.

Craigslist: More Hookers!

Craig's List, who had previously said they'd cut down on prostitution ads, still holds the title "single largest source of prostitution". In Chicago, at least, according to a Cook County sheriff, who has noticed, first-hand, that the place to go to find a hooker is Craigslist. Looks like "your mom" is falling further as the correct answer to the question: "where do I find a hooker?", but Craigslist is nowhere near as funny.

Chicken Ranch: More!

As I mentioned yesterday, a writer is hanging out at the Chicken Ranch, putting up series of blog posts depicting his adventures. For now, they can be seen here, although the author hasn't tagged everything quite the same, so also check his main page -- it would have been nice if the writer created a 'tag' for just this story, so they could all be on one page without any others. My only other recommendation: if you're writing for a blog, don't be so newspapery; shorter, more trivial blog posts in between the more meaty posts act like pull-quotes or sidebars, be! cause people like that stuff. The fun of an article on hookers ordering in Subway because of a power outage holds so much more potential than his dry, facutal article.

No Hooker Paintball!

Let's say, hookers and johns are doing their business in front of your home. Do you have the right to shoot them with a paintball, super-soaker, or other non-lethal device? Sadly, no, although that would be an awesome event to charge admission to. The police, of course, prefer you call 911, at which time a cop will show up an hour too late, decline to make a report due to the lack of evidence, and scold you for using 911 for such unimportant things.

Rental: Former Brothel!

You snatch up an awesome rental - good location, fits your family, but something's amiss when men start showing up at all hours. Oh, by the way, it used to be a brothel. Sadly, the new tenants weren't in any position to make the existing advertising work in their favor; they had no interest in running a brothel themselves, and having three small children made them uncomfortable with men arriving to "have a good time" - they no longer live in the former whorehouse. (via)

Chicken Ranch Living!

Richard Abowitz of the LA Times is going undercover: living at the Chicken Ranch, one of Las Vegas' nearby legal brothels, in hopes of uncovering just what legalized prostitution means. This appears to be the first in a series of poorly-linked, unedited-rough-draft blog posts, because that's what the kids like to read these days, right? Hopefully it won't be hard to keep an eye on his articles; I'd like to hear what he's got to say, if it's not too buried in blog crap.

Vicar: Brothel OK!

Somebody has some smarts in the U.K.: After an order to close a brothel, a nearby vicar has come to their rescue by pointing out that it has done nothing to curtail crime, but affects needy people's income. A brothel attracts drug dealers and violent crime? Where does the police get that idea? Oh, the community is heading downhill with drugs and violence...it must be the fault of that place where people have sex for money! Rather than arresting dealers and abusers, let's kick out the whores. Smart move, there, bobby. Plus, who knew a church would have somebody that understands logic working for them? Those darn Anglicans, making religious people lo! ok respectable once in a while.

Hooker Sex = Work

It's all fun and games until somebody gets caught. A cop was assigned to bust prostitutes, and he claims that, to gather evidence, he'd been told to actually fuck a few hookers. The department says, no, that wasn't the case, but it gets more suspicious when the officer says he tried to follow through with paperwork and fill out 'bodily fluid contact report' forms after doing his civic duty, but was prevented from doing so, and he also says how he ended up with the job because other officer's wifes disapproved of the amount of hooker contact in the assignment. So, amateurish cop gets wrangled into busting prostitutes, has sex several times without anybody raising an eyebrow, everyone tries to pretend it didn't happen, but whe! n he gets caught everybody starts pointing fingers. To protect and serve, my ass.

Voluntary Sexworker - OK!

This year's AIDS conference in Mexico learned something that would make a Conservative's head asplode: there are sex workers who are perfectly happy and voluntarily doing what they do. "The idea is that we are all doe-eyed victims of human trafficking who need rescuing, but for many of us that is so far from the truth," said an Asian sex worker from the US. "We just want to be recognised as workers like any other." But...but, she was forced to do that, right? Only through violence and drugs would any woman be manipulated into making money through sex, right? All this! narrow-mindedness about prostitution is missing the boat, and it's no wonder efforts to 'help' aren't as successful as they should be.

Newspapers Gain From Prostitution?:

The Orlando weekly and three employees have been busted from making money off prostitution. How, you ask? By selling ads for 'adult fun', which pretty much guarantees qualification as prostitution, at least in the eyes of the law. So, sell a prostitute something that helps them do their job, go to jail? There's plenty of hyperbolic exaggeration ("what if a grocer sells her a banana? Then what?!?"), but it comes down to asking the question: to what extent is prostitution a problem that you have to arrest the unlikeliest ancillary connections to the world's oldest job?

Hookers + NeoCons = Economy!

Minneapolis is bracing for a surge in prostitution due to the influx of Republicans for their national convention -- we all knew conventions like this bring money into the community, and this will be no exception. I doubt the lower-end prostitutes will see any boost in business; no self-respecting Republican would risk being caught with a hooker...and I'll bet most of these respectable gentlemen will have already made their appointments with a call girl of acceptable calibre. It's most likely an excuse for a 'crackdown' on prostitution, which will net poor liberal ladies and completely miss anybody having to do with the Republican Convention.

Finland: Bring On The Whores!

According to a recent poll, 70% of Finnish men prefer prostitution remain legal, while over half of women support legal prostitution. The difference between the two? Women's perception is that prostution involves violence, while few men percieved whore-related abuse. Even still, if this poll were taken without respect to dividing by gender, the math works out to over 60% approval for prostitution. Yay, Finns!

Brothels Having Troubles Due To Fuel Prices

You might be feeling the pain at the pump, but have you looked at diesel prices lately? They've been consistently a buck or two more than gasoline for almost ten years; fill up a 50-gallon truck and it'll cost you $250 bucks to ship your tchotchkes over the road. So, there's been less tchotchke transportation in recent months...much to the chagrin of places like the Bunny Ranch in Nevada who've seen their profits dwindle due to reduced customers.



Fewer truckers means less whoopty-hoo is going on in the brothels, which means less income for these hard-working ladies, which makes the ladies cranky enough to kick the ass of any guy who uses the term 'whoopty-hoo' for fucking. Good to know that they charge extra for the ass-kicking. Anyhow, the more rural brothels like Bunny Ranch are doing what they can, and hoping that their ladies can get a little 'stimulus package' out of the guys' pants. The Bunny Ranch is offering a double-your-stimulus offer that might help them out a bit. However, what they really need is some good 'old-fashioned "Buy American" attitude. We don't want these fine institutions to disappear, do we?

Most Innovative Brothels

Cracked, who apparently can't write unless they're counting something, has a list of the most innovative brothels in the world. While none seem to have anything to do with robots, I guess altering the whorehouse business model can be seen as innovative, if you're a MBA with an interest in managing fucking establishments.



Of course, I'm all over #3, the Soaplands, those soapy-with-sex brothels in Japan...the name came because Turkey objected to the name 'turkish baths', so soaplands was was chosen. Too bad about this rule, though: like a lot of higher-end prostitutes in Japan, it's off-limits to foreigners.

via

Topless Massage In London

The best I can date this is around 1977 to 1978, after the release of "Come Play With Me" but before the star's death -- however, the biggest attraction in London for pervs like me wasn't the movie: the UK magazine New Action MS had these ads for "topless massage," assumedly with a happy ending (so to speak). The ads are quite detailed and explicit, as opposed to the entendre-laden all-text personal ads that advertise naughty massage today. Nicole Sauna is the only one still partaking in toplessness, now called Rio's, and New Park Sauna gave up the toplessness to became the Manor Park Sauna; the rest have closed and moved on.

TSG's FYI 4 CBG

Ah, the Smoking Gun is a great place to find publicly available, court-entered documents full of hot, sexy text. Here's today's latest link, from a D.C. Madame's case, listing the terms a 'john' may need to understand for the a'la carte room service to get his order right. Here's some examples:

• All Inclusive: dinner and a show;
• Attempts: extra innings;
• Bare Back: russian roulette, but funner;
• BBW: curves and some wiggle;
• CBJ: raincoat on the teeth;
• Cowgirl: YeeeeHA!
• DFK: bring breathmints;
• FBSM: a backrub and a very good goodbye;
• GFE: Second-Hand Rose's specialty;
• Greek: something most Greeks don't actually enjoy;
• PSE: about as fun as it sounds, I suppose;
• Hobbyist: who you'd be if you had a wallet big enough.
  

Mustang Ranch Resort

Lately I've been getting spam for the Mustang Ranch Resort in Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic. The spam reads:

ALL INCLUSIVE ADULT RESORT.
1 HOUR FLIGHT FROM MIAMI.

HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS

ALL MADE TO ORDER MEALS FROM OUR EXTENSIVE MENU.

ALL YOU CAN DRINK UNTIL MIDNIGHT.

ALL TRANSPORTS TO HOTEL, AIRPORT AND ADULT CLUBS.

ONE OF OUR ADULT COMPANIONS EVERYDAY INCLUDED.

OVER 80 WOMEN TO PICK FROM.

179.000 USD PER NIGHT!!!!
VISIT OR WEB SITE TODAY WWW.MUSTANGRANCHRESORT.COM

Ah, it's not just some swinger's club -- they're offering an 'adult companion' every day -- according to their site, for only 4 hours, but my guess is that's plenty for most men. But, wait -- isn't Puerto Plata the kind of place that frowns on prosti--er, I mean 'escorts'? Yes, it's illegal, but if you trust the Mustang Ranch Resort's FAQ: Our thousand and thousand clients who have visited Night Club can assure you that Night Club & Rio and now our New Mustang Ranch all inclusive resort is completely legal. The D.R. is governed by the more liberal European Laws. Which lend legal support to our activities. No reason to be nervous or concerned. Well, that us until you read a bit and find that the resort was shut down by the government (see page 3 here) for "engaging in prostitution, failing to have the correct permits, and detrimentally affecting the surrounding area." So, if you're interested in going to a foreign country where the US has little power, participating in an illegal activity, and hoping nothing goes wrong, this is the place for you! I suppose, if you're interested in this sort of travel experience, you're looking for a little excitement. If you're not that adventurous and value your, well, everything, you might be better off sticking in the United States, getting a reservation at the resort's namesake, and having your way with a legal American prostitute.