Art = Porn!

The rise you get from looking at a classical nude piece of art is supposed to be pure, virginal love of art, right? Fuck that, it's OK to get a hard-on while taking in some naked marble beauty. Calling it art helps get away with the opportunity to see nudity; our artistic forefathers knew exactly what they were doing, and that makes them the greatest people in the history of civilization. This boosts my hopes that my nearly-complete Hustler collection will get my descendants big bucks at the fine art auctions in the year 2300.

Art + Boobs = Money!

Scotland won't fund the public display of several paintings, so the private sector has to pony up. To raise the funds, models and actresses - including beauty Kim Catrall - pose for tasteful renditions of classical art, and the money raised through the sale funds the museum. I can't think of a better way for boobs and art to come together. And, yes, that link includes the NSFW photos of the nude babes.

Hammer Boobs!

There's a book out called Hammer Glamour, a coffeetable book with busty photos of the busty babes of busty horror movies by Hammer Busty. Er, Hammer Studios. Anyhow, the book doesn't lack in boobs, but reviews say it isn't comprehensive, so if you want a encyclopedia of Hammer performers, this ain't it, but the photos make up the difference.

Army Body Paint!

Not only am I a sucker for babe calendars, I love body paint - here's a military-themed set of hot babes painted up for Veteran's Day. Quality varies, but the full uniform ones are hot as all fuck.

Marvel Swimsuits!

I hate to admit it, but I'm pretty sure I bought one of these when I was younger and was afraid Mom would find out - and I was *20* and still living at home. Marvel has been publishing swimsuit issues for nearly twenty years now, giving their artists a chance to draw their characters even sluttier than ever before, plus the contrivance in which a character takes off their spandex to put on a swimsuit is even stranger (most images are, simply, a color change). Comics Alliance has some of the weirdest swimsuit issue entries, and you should note that there's no She-Hulk. There's nothing "funny" or "snide" to say about She-Hulk: she as much sexy as you can fit into a 7-foot tall green lawyer as you can get.

Tate Shreds Catalog!

The Tate had been planning on a 1983-themed art exhibition, which included the famous nude photos of a young Brooke Shields. Police, however, didn't appreciate the artistic merits of the photo. "Obscene!" they cried, and the Tate replaced the young nude with a more recent photo of Shields. As things got closer to the opening - whoops - the exhibit's catalog includes the photo, too, and thus all 12,000 copies will go to the shredder. Oh, some will make it to eBay, I'm sure, but it amounts to a pretty big loss for the Tate, over a piece of art.

Genital Art Hiatus!

Dr. Betty Dodson had been posting nude photos of genitals on her website, but some asshole has decided 2257 applied to her work. 2257, in case you didn't know, is the US' way of preventing child porn by requiring proof of identity for people producing pornographic works. Me, I'm an exception because I'm not producing it, I'm just linking to it; Dodson was producing a "research project on healing genital shame," which relied on anonymity to continue to exist. Dodson probably has a way to defend not having 2257 data on everyone, but you can sure bet the anti-porn people will make it prohibitively expensive to try and defend the legality. Sorry, art world: no matter what you think, your non-porn is, in fact, pornography. (via)

Giant Vagina Art!

You never know when a giant vagina might show up - like this guy, who woke up one morning to find a giant vagina-like piece of artwork in his yard. It was not left in hostility: it was accompanied by an unsigned birthday card. So, if it's your birthday and were expecting a giant vagina gift, I think I know who you need to talk to. (via)

Martin The One!

My "suggestion box", that button over there on the right, is so people can send me stuff I've never seen before - like Martin here, who asked me to look at his erotic art blog. It's that raw, jumbly abstract collage stuff that artists so love, but takes a while to appreciate, so go stare: it has boobs.

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Nude Breasts: OK!

An anonymous complainer forced an art gallery to move a bare-breasted piece of art, "Blue" by Danielle Mailer, from public view. However, the gallery asked for a review, and the police determined, no, no statutes or laws were broken, so the topless work of art went back up. The art world thanks you, Torrington, for recognizing that if somebody finds art sexy enough to be troubled by it, that's their problem, not the art's.

Liebovitz: Sued!

Annie Liebovitz, the photographer who makes some of the porniest non-porn photos, might lose her portfolio: sales rights to her photos were held as collateral in a $22 million loan, and now that she's fallen behind on payments, they want to sell everything off. As such, a sale might be coming up soon: sure, the market is bad, but $22 million is still nothing compared to the sell-off that'll occur when the gavel comes down on genuine Liebovitz prints.

Wine Bottles Too Sexy!

The Cycles Gladiator wine, known for the vine-ripened grapes in the California valleys that make up their vinyards, is known for something else at the other end of the country: their nude bottle labels. The Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board recently decided that the label was too "offensive or immodest", thus making it illegal to sell in their grand state. The style of this label, and others from the same winery, is of the 19th century French Impressionism, which, as it shouldn't surprise anyone, Alabama has no place for in their culture.

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Giant Dog Penis!

Gille and Marc Schattner, artists from down under, have a show at a gallery entitled "The Dog In Us All". The artwork all falls under a theme of the intersection of dog-kind and man-kind, and includes a statue called "Good Boy," seen below. The status is almost 9 feet tall, and at that scale, everything is huge. Er, even the two foot long human penis dangling between the man-dog's legs. The article neglects to say how they measured the fiberglass organ, nor does it say who the model was. What they do point out is that many people are shocked when suddenly confronted by a two-foot-long handling phallus at eye level. People in Sydney were worse off, probably because it was exhibited outside, but they've moved it to a gallery in Perth, which, apparently, expects to run into giant dicks when wandering the galleries.

Tandem Boob Press!

COED magazine, conniseurs of the art of semi-nude horny photography, have identified one common move that really gets the juices flowing: The Tandem Boob Press. "Tandem Boob Press" would be an awesome name for a book publisher, but, sadly, all it is....IS THIS!

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Holy fuck, that's hot, even though there's no nipples or cunt visible. 'Sceuse me, I need to go do something in the bathroom for a couple minutes...

Michael Jackson Body Paint!

Artist Anubis Vrussh put his talents to a classical use: painting the King of Pop on a purple-painted naked woman's belly. The photos, however, paint a different picture: that doesn't look so much like Michael Jackson as...Hugh Jackman?

Police Porn OK!

Photographs of topless women have been taken in front of an Edmonton police station - and the cops are OK with it. See, Canada, this is why you're so awesome: nobody there freaks out about breasts. Down here, even one breast in the mouth of a baby results in shock and outrage. So, here's to you, Canada - your love of breasts makes you the king of North America!

Humpable Sinks!

Now, I'm all for fucking housewares (btw, don't drink out of any of the Star Wars glasses in my cupboard), but these look a little too public to use to get off. Maybe Kohler will start selling them for in-house installation or something - then I can multitask while I'm washing my Star Wars glasses:



(via)

Altered Playboys!

Danny Sangra is going to piss off some collectors: his newest art "installation," called Season of the Witch, is composed of pages cut from 1970s Playboys and altered to his own artistic whims:

Hot Literature!

Take swimsuit model Bar Refaeli, combine a little Stephen King, and you're not getting some slasher-b-movie; you get the hottest way to read a book I've ever seen:

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Bodypaint For Peace!

Is there nothing bodypaint can't do? Recently, it solved the problem or war in the world, via the Bullets 4 Peace fundraiser. Unsurprisingly, I could find very little about Bullet 4 Peace, but a whole fuckload of pictures from the show.

Sex Doll Art!

The task: take a plaster cast of the April Flores sex-doll-toy-thing, then paint it. Result: Gallery of artsy vulvas! It's like that cow art project, only I want to fuck this one a little more.

Shakespeare: Porn Shop Pride!

Stratford-on-Avon, the home of Shakespeare, is aghast - agog! - over the idea of a sex shop opening in their fair city. "Children ride the bus!" they argue, "This isn't what we're trying to promote!" they cry. Reading Shakespeare is a wholesome, kid-friendly time anyhow, you know - I know it's the UK, very against gross acts of violence, so Macbeth is right out. Since Shakespeare is the reason we still understand the metaphor of of the beast with two backs (Interracial sex, no less!), so priding your town on its Shakespearean wholesomeness completely ignores what Shakespeare was all about: poon and death. The porn shop gets it: they think Shakespeare would be a good patron of their shop.

Smut In London!

Going to the Emerald Isles? When in London, fire up the barbie and tune into Corner Gas, but don't forget to partake in some porn. Time Out London even makes it easy for you: they've got a list of the best sources for erotic reading in the British capital. When you're feeling a little culture shock, nothing makes it better than some porn with extra 'u's in the word colour.

Russian Art Porn!

Porn was largely illegal in Soviet Russia, but they did have something to tide themselves over: horny artists with nude models at their "disposal", so to speak. The paintings are far from the pinup or pornstar vein, but when you're home from a long day waiting for food or avoiding arrest for subversive thoughts, your dick will take whatever it can get.

Picasso: Pornographer!

Picasso's a tough artist to follow: Cubism isn't always the easiest to get in to. So, imagine my surprise to find out that half of the Picassos I've seen are about sex. Check out Dora the Explorer here, who ventured a little too far into the Minoan labyrinth:


The article also has a centaur-related one. Picasso was a man beyond his time: he could have been a freakin' millionaire if the current hentai market existed in the thirties.

Very Old Porn!

A small carved figure has been discovered, placing the origin of nude female statues at over 5,000 years earlier than the Venus of Willendorf and its ilk. 5,000 years difference is lie comparing ancient Greek works to modern art; most will argue that the Greeks were far better at it. The most appealing feature of this newly-found art are its high, perky breasts, defying all logic and gravity, showing that those ancients did believe in a god.

Commedia Del'erotica

One might say a harlequin is always sexy. In this case, he's got a big cock, gets Columbina in the end, but ends up hung. Not sure where the original source is from, but couldn't find anything more but this site:

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Body Art!

UPI wants to make sure you get a good look at all their recent photos of body art - so they've put them all into a single gallery. This includes both bodypaint and tattoos, so get all your colorful boobie fetishes out of the way here:

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Storm Trooper Strip Tease!

Art Wars has arrived, and was initiated by a Storm Trooper Strip-Tease, as seen here, which makes me feel kinda weird during the scenes in Star Wars when Luke and Han steal some Stormtrooper armor. Anyhow, the art show is tied to a recent lawsuit over who actually owns the designs for the original Stormtrooper costume. Now that Ainsworth has rights to use it, Art Wars is applying the Stormtrooper art to some worthy purposes, like strippers and putting a pink suit of armor on the subway. Still, more entertaining than Episode I.

Boob Theater!

With the overwhelming positive response to Puppetry of the Penis, Women were feeling left out - and Busting Out was born. Now, don't get your hair in a tizzle: the actresses appear to be older than porn stars, but according to the show's producers, floppiness is better for the performance. Fuck you, perky twenty-somethings! Go take your high-slung breasts to the lad mags if you think they're so great! Sadly, this is a UK thing, but I've seen plenty of floppy American breasts (at least 15), so I'm certain there's enough talent stateside to fill an off-broadway, a Vegas strip, and a touring cast.

Topless Italians!

The problem most people have is that the mostly-nude Italians in this classical piece of art are their politicans: Silvio Berlusconi and Minister of Equal Opportunities Mara Carfagna. Insult! they cry, wishing deeply that Berlusconi was also as hot topless as Carfagna.

Art Before Bedtime!

The sad thing is, there's outrage about this in the U.K. Normally, no nudity can be shown on TV in the UK before the kids are in bed, but C4 is bucking the trend by showing an art programme using nude models over the lunch hour. Haven't they learned enough from America yet: All nude art is pornography; somebody might find it sexy, we need to be protected from our own urges! I've often thought European TV was completely awesome for its healthy opinion of the human body; glad to see it's still working that way, despite the prudes.

Statue Tits Anger Clergy!

I read about this a few days back, but nobody had a good picture - until now. An innocuous antique shoppe has a statue outside, holding up a sign, but a local priest has a problem with the statue's erection-provoking cleavage. The pirate chick statue isn't nude, or particularly naughty compared to the beach, but there's enough skin to make a priest uncomfortable, which has encouraged the church to take out its rage on the little old ladies running the antique shoppe. Remember, antique shoppe grannies are the most insidious of pornographers.

Today Show Nude!

I never realized the Today Show was so edgy: after traveling to the New York Academy of Art, the four anchors each painted their own nude painting. Oh, no! exclaimed NBC censors, a nude painting has - omygod - genitals, let's cover those up right away! So, when the paintings, designated to be sold for charity, appeared on TV, tape was placed on the abstract genitals that Matt Lauer had so carefully crafted with his own two hands. The anchors told themselves, fuck this, the internet will tell us what's appropriate to show on TV! One online poll later, and the censor's tape was removed. The four paintings all sold on eBay, with Meredith Viera's painting (rightly so) drawing the highest bids. Excellent work, Today Show pornographers - so many young children will now be sent to a life of drug use because of Al Roker's nude.