Spartacus Penis!

Kirk Douglas, star of the original film "Spartacus", is appearing in the new Spartacus miniseries, but only as a namesake of a main character: Spartacus' prosthetic penis. Nude scenes are throughout (Lucy Lawless gets naked!), but they guys get fake willies. The actress who plays Spartacus' wife - the oh-so-porny-named Erin Cummings - named the little dick in honor of the original star. I'm sure Kirk is proud.

Divorce Entrance!

Yeah, that fucking "dancing wedding entrance" has been everywhere - the local news even had it on because they were from Minnesota or something. We all know, THIS is where they're headed in a couple years. People that creative are deep-seated sociopaths, they won't stand to be around each other for long.

Penis: Funny!

Back in the eighties, there was a respect for the penis: when one appeared in a film, it was artsy, it meant something, there were deeper repercussions about man's place in the universe. Today? the penis is a shock laugh. Where did we go wrong, penis-watching moviegoers? Is this how we see men? Sadly, yes, yes it is.

Best PG-13 Nudity!

Still having trouble convincing the video store clerk that you're over 18? Have no fear - Asylum, with Mr. Skin's help, has a list of the greatest PG-13 nude scenes ever. Now I totally have to rent "Just One of the Guys". I normally would pass over a cross-dressing comedy, but a hot-chick cross-dressing comedy with nude tits, that's a different story.

Movie Penis List!

I know, I can't count the number of times I've been sitting around with the guys at work, debating this question: why aren't there more naked penises in mainstream films? Salon has provided some assistance here: they've compiled a list of the best Blockbuster-rentable films for looking at a stranger's dick. Of those, Boogie Nights is the only one I've seen - Firefox is loading my Netflix queue as we speak to take care of the rest. Penis movie night, here we come! Er, bad word choice. I'd like to add to their list the excellent John Waters movie A Dirty Shame: if you're renting at Blockbuster, though, make sure to get the uncensored version. The first time we rented it, we grabbed the censored version, which includes exactly zero nudity, but is still rated R. Still an excellent movie, but the unrated version is far, far better.

Orgasm: Unimportant!

Guys, you've been vindicated: a Canadian study has shown that, all things considered, an orgasm is pretty far down on the list or important sex components. We all know, us guys can't help but have an orgasm during sex, but your partner, well, don't worry about hers: the amount of erotic intimacy and physical closeness is a bit more important to her than some dumb orgasm. Oh, you're missing those, too? Well, she can count on that deep connection you - oh, that's missing as well, hm. No wonder she's not having orgasms with you, idiot: you are fucking all wrong.

Che Guevara: Proud!

Che Guevara, the somewhat-reviled, somewhat-worshipped Latin gentleman who had his fingers in a several bloody revolutions, will be proud his granddaughter is continuing his legacy. Lydia Guevara is appearing nude, wearing a machine-gun bullet strap of carrots(!) and a jaunty beret like Grandpappy's, to protest..something...on behalf of PETA. If there's anything a Guevara knows, it's helping a dogmatic, extremist group make their point.

Ramis Fav Films!

Harold Ramis, the "spores, molds, and fungus" guy from Ghostbusters, has given GW a list of his favorite comedies. Of the ones I've seen, Ramis is right on; of the ones I haven't, I think I better. Keys that prove he and I are on the same page: Zoolander, Arsenic and Old Lace, Life of Brian, Dr. Strangelove.

Porn Movie Houses!

Wait - those still exist? In a time of private video booths, online porn, and DVDs by mail, pornographic movie houses still exist. Well, at least in Canada, but the article doesn't delve into south-of-the-border facilities. The best part of the article are the proprietors: "It's porn which has kept the most beautiful theatres open," says L'Amour's owner, Steve Koltai. After decades, telling people he runs a sex cinema is still awkward. Koltai says the question he hears most is, "Who cleans up?" "Everything evaporates," he replies. If you drop a Jujubee, let it go, man, because it's gone.

Dalek Chicks

Ever wonder what the hot Dalek females looked like under all that armor? Here's your chance to find out. This trio decided to attend some geek convention dressed up in skirts and boob-enhancing dress, which, duh, makes them attention whores, but creative attention whores nonetheless.

Watching You Watching Porn!

Ever wanted a good, close look at somebody while they masturbated to pornography? Me neither. However, art knows no boundaries, so using a interrotron, a filmmaker has documented what the average person's face looks like while watching porn, interspersed with them talking about their attitudes about pornography. Using a teleprompter, porn is displayed in front of the camera, thus forcing the subject to stare creepily into the camera, like that weird-looking weatherman you met at the bar that one night. You can watch it here.

Betty White Nude!

Betty White appears in the new Sandra Bullock movie, which looks like a big tease because the trailers all hint at a hot-as-hell nude Bullock, but I doubt you get to see anything good. On the other hand, according to this interview, Betty White was all ready to go nude for the film as well. Now that is a movie I'd fucking watch for a nude scene: I've been masturbating to her old episodes of Password Plus for years - I don't give a fuck if that's her husband hosting it, she's hot. *deep breath* Anyhow, White reveals it as a joke, and says she's a traditional girl and needs the man to propose, which means I must be out, since my mailed-in proposals have all gone unanswered.

No Explosion Looking!

Think you're cool? You're not if you're staring, slack-jawed, at something that just blowed up real good. Cool guys don't look at explosions. You don't spit into the wind, you don't fuck around with Jim, and when something's going to explode, you walk away, beautifully framed in the expanding cloud of burning gasoline. That's how the world knows you're badass.

Ron Jeremy: New Movie!

Here's how Ron Jeremy describes a new movie he's in: "If aliens could see the Earth the first thing they'd notice is satellites. What's the biggest thing on satellite? Porn. What's the biggest thing in porn? Me. The aliens infiltrate my penis and it severs from my body during a sex scene and runs along the floor and starts a killing spree.." Um, sounds like a freakin' classic, dude. Still, it's always nice to hear Ron Jeremy talk about his life and business - they guy is always so grounded and approachable; it's no wonder women like to see him in porn. He's the guy they all want to date: friendly, funny, and with a huge dick.

Australia Owns Porn!

Well, aside from the mail inspectors, who have enormous amounts of porn as "evidence" and "examples", it seems the Australian government is funding a porn collection of their own. The Australian National Film and Sound Archive keeps a porn stash, thus preserving the hot and horny integrity of Australian culture, thus hopefully negating some of the damage done by Yahoo Serious and that bad battery-commercial guy.

Top Gun Star Gay!

...yes, sensationalist, but it's fun to pretend that Tom Cruise is still in the closet. Top Gun star Kelly McGillis has revealed that her sexuality is more fluid than most, and she's attracted to women. This is despite two previous marriages and two children, which goes to show that coming to grips with finding women attractive can take a while; I was lucky, I was attracted to women from the start. The ongoing threat of Lesbian Overthrow continues, men: prepare to be aroused - if I learned anything from porn, it's that being dominated by two lesbians is the best torture ever.

Pervirella!

Pervirella runs from the masturbating monster, is saved by Amazons, but is taken captive. Sorry, I think my random sentence generator went haywire...no, no - that's really the only way to explain this clip, from a much larger naughty movie called Pervirella, as discovered by - who else? - a website full of scifi geeks. Congratulations, io9, that masturbating monster will haunt my dreams.

The Girlfriend Experience!

It must be Film Festival season: Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience is being shown at Tribeca, and a trailer has been released. This is the movie with the - omygod - real life porn star in it! They so rarely have been seen in the wild, except as a joke or when the 'mainstream' actors get weird about sex on screen. I've heard good things about it, but mostly because it's naughty; it will probably be a bit to artsy for people who are looking for titillation.

Stripper For Reunion!

Ah, the life of an avant-garde filmmaker: make crazy crap happen and film it, and you've got it made! Case in point: filmmaker Andrea Wachner decided not to go to her reunion, but RSVP'ed anyway. In her place, she sent a lookalike stripper to pose as Andrea, and film the shenanigans. As you might expect, Punk'ding your fellow alumni doesn't get you any brownie points. Unsurprisingly, nobody has picked up her 'documentary' for distribution yet. She's a freelance comedy writer, so I suppose, well, it might have been funny; remember, humorists: if the people who think you're funny are a) your family, or b) they were drunk, you're actual level of funniness is suspect. That said, I may have to find that youtube video: the stripper she hired is rather hot in that Lisa-Loeb/Liz-Lemon/Lana-Lang (Lisa Ling? Lucy Liu? Lori Line? Langelina Lolie?) sort of way. (via)

R-Rated Look At X-Rated Industry

Something for the Netflix queue: Naked Ambition, An R-Rated Look At An X-Rated Industry. It's not so much a film about porn itself, but a visit to two recent AVN awards, which is like going to a tech tradeshow to see how your grandpa uses a celphone. I'm hoping it's like the featurette on the Girl Next Door unrated edition, "The Eli Experience", in which a witty high school student visits AVN and hob-nobs with the porn industry; I could have watched that for a feature-length film.

Marilyn Chambers On The Set!

This site has a great bio (a few years old, though) of Marilyn Chambers, including stories of her time on the set of Behind the Green Door. She smoked pot?!? I'm offended; anyone who needs to get high before filming a psychedelic-trapeeze-interracial-bukakke scene, they don't deserve my respect. Aw, sorry - I can't feel that way about Chambers; she was too awesome to think poorly of.

Withnail and I: On The Set

The FirstPost has an excellent, but short, photogallery of actors on the set of the loopy British comedy Withnail and I; it was on some all-movie cable channel a while back, and it was great, in that 'droll-not-sure-what-they're-kidding-about' way that's so much fun in British cinema. Harry Potter's uncle plays a pushy gay guy - that makes it awesome to begin with.

Zach & Miri: Good Porn!

Kevin Smith has a new job: porn director! BlueBlooded has watched Zach and Miri Make a Porno and decided the director has some talent for filming believable sex. It might have something to do with Smith having a big enough budget to hire some well-trained actors, but there's been plenty of big-budget movies with some poorly-done sex scenes, that it might appear Smith just has a talent for filming fucks. This new up-and-comer is one to watch the next time the AVN awards roll around!

Sexiest Sci-Fi Scenes!

What's sexier than a movie written by and for men who have probably had serious difficulty getting laid during their life? Nothing, that's how. Topless Robot, an erectionally-arousing phrase if I ever heard one, has compiled a list of the 7 sexiest film sex scenes ever. Computer-Human sex? VR-coitus-interruptus in Demolition Man? Methinks the TR writer has had his own difficulty in accomplishing sex himself.

Plato's Retreat

A new movie is out for those of you who think orgy facility documentaries are fascinating: American Swing documents Plato's Retreat, a swinger's club in New York during the late '70s disco days, largely relying on an interview with the proprietor before his death in 1999. I know of Plato's Retreat from some history-channel / VH1 / discovery-channel quasi-documentary, which spent most of its time recapping after frequent commercial breaks, but it was intriguing enough that a documentary just on Plato's could definitely be a viewport into that 'free love' era of recent time; double-bill it with Inside Deep Throat, and you've got a night of seventies sexual nostalgia.

Sneeze Porn!

Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic has exposed his deepest, darkest fantasy: watching people sneeze. Oooh, it's so naughty - but Sullivan takes it too far, and includes that video of a panda sneezing. Now he's just made things so, so very wrong: pandas aren't sexy, they're the national identity of China. Naughty The Atlantic blogger pervert.

Porn Censors Get Hard!

...or, rather, that's their worry. British censors are worried that, if they were alone during their porn viewings, they'd be more likely to get aroused and distracted from their jobs. Until lately, they've always watched porn in a group, but the rough economy might mean censors having to view Teen Ass Cum Sluts XXIV all on their lonesome. If I were a censor, I'd agree - I'd like to have somebody with when porning it up. Oh, no, they wouldn't be another censor, but she'd appreciate the film anyway, if you know what I mean.

Dr Manhattan: PENIS!

I never read Watchmen, don't know anything about it, but I do know this: Dr. Manhattan has a huge blue penis. Well, it's no longer a human blue penis, sadly, as Dr. Manhattan's body was altered by a Hulk-like accident, resulting in his being more than human. If anybody were to try to measure said superhuman-penis, I'd wager is is three apples tall.

Travis Bickle's Jacket

Everyone with a stubby mohawk needs one of these - a replica of the Taxi Driver military jacket. It's sorta like "V is for Vendetta", but without the high-minded anarchy:



(via)

Stripper = Oscar!

I had no idea: the Oscar usually goes to the stripper, or the prostitute, or the sexually-flawed female character. According to the article, it gives women a chance to really act, to fill a complex and nuanced role, which might tell you something about most of the women's roles. The stripper/hooker roles, though, are often positive, sympathetic roles, which is something the Oscars might have, but the real world seems to ignore.

Kevin Smith: Perv

In promoting his new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Kevin Smith has this to say: "I'll go read Google news, I'll go read Guardian UK, go read our Web site, and then if I've got nothing else, I will just peruse the porn sites, because it's an ever-expanding world...Just when you see the most outlandish clip you could ever see, somebody introduces something new. I just check in periodically just to see how far porn has gone in my absence."

Kevin Smith Gets An R

Kevin Smith's new movie, Zack And Miri Make A Porno, just barely snuck by from being called Kevin Smith Makes A Porno -- the rating board nearly wanted to give it an NC-17 due to somewhat explicit sex scenes (as one might see in a porno, I'd guess), but reduced the rating to R based on the comedy of it. Most amusing: one of his justification is that moviegoers unwilling to view people having sex are going to avoid a film with the word "porno" in it (and, if not, are inordinately stupid). I'll wager that many movie theatres will leave 'porno' off the marquee, just to protect people with gentler sensibilities.

Penis Obscuring

Very important information, presented humorously: how to hide your erection from the world. The video would like me to believe that erection-hiding is important to one's social life, but when my bulge extends down to the kneecap in my dungarees, I've decided it's more an asset than a liability. Your mileage may vary.

Movie Stars Porn Connections

Frisky has a fun list of film stars who've got porn connections -- I got really excited at the Thora Birch listing, but, sadly, it's about her parents rather than herself. Oh, well. I guess I'll have to stick to fantasizing that I'm Steve Buscemi in that one scene. Seems I fantasize about being Steve Buscemi more than you'd expect. Anyhow, I think I have an article about an early Coppola porn film in an old skin mag, I'll see if I can get it online this weekend. For now, read the Frisky article.

Sexy Movie Space Babes

Dark Roasted Blend has an excellent set of images documenting hot space babes from film and TV -- and it's not Star-Trek-hottie variety this time. Barbarella, of course, is heavily represented. I never saw U.F.O., but, damn, purple-haired alien chicks are hotter than I expected. We should all savor the 1960s female liberation that defined sexy, huge-breasted women as a sign of a better future!

Buy a Video Camera, Meet A Porn Star

I caught this floating around those 'old ads' newsgroups, so I don't know where it's from, but I couldn't let it go by:

Given its Penthouse tie-in, I assume it was an ad that appeared in that magazine. According to the ad, if you shell out twelve-hundred bucks, you not only get the camera with VTR (no all-in-ones back then), you'll get to meet and film a Penthouse Pet. First, I gotta say 'wow', because it's a far leap from today: buy a Blu-Ray DVD player, get to meet the cast of a hi-def porn film? Conservatives everywhere would freak out -- DVDs are for proper family fun, not watching porn, right? Back in the seventies, Akai knew what videotape was for, and the relaxed attitude towards porn was seen as a cultural asset.

That gal in the picture? According to the small text at the bottom, she's Lynn Partington, the Penthouse Pet for December 1971.

Making Naughty Movies

In 1969, Vivitar ran this ad in Playboys -- and while Playboy was naughty, most advertisers played up the suaveness rather than the nudity aspect of the magazine. Vivitar ran with it and worked some female objectification into their ad.


They apply "take charge" in quite a few ways for a little ad. First, the selling point of the camera is that you can plug it in -- give it a 'charge' -- to the wall outlet (as if running out of battery interrupts the chance to stop every 5 minutes to change the film reel). Plus, they say you can "take charge" by seeing more through the viewfinder...but our geeky filmmaker looks like he's going to take charge by spiriting away his sexy subject to the darkroom for a quick fuck. Not that there's anything wrong with that; she looks ready to take whatever he's got in those fine slacks to give her. That's what he needs the AC power for -- plug in the camera, lock the trigger on, and film himself rocking this lady's world. Bully for the horn-dog in nerd-glasses!