The modern toothbrush was patented in 1857 - you know how I know this? I watched this educational video featuring Stella Maxwell and Dennis Klaffert getting all up in her oral hygiene. Nothing beats a good tooth-brushing by a guy with tattoos all over his knuckles.

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Towels by the bed, sure. Condoms and lube in the drawer, fine. But some lady has a beaker of water for penis-cleaning nearby, and a parenting blog loses its shit. OK, fine, if that's the craziest sex thing people have in their room, whatever, but those disposable butt wipes are fucking perfect for this. Pour out your gross penis-water, wipe up hygenically.

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