Over in Germany, where being a well-known prostitute isn't a bad thing, the authorities are up in arms because one so-called famous hooker's grave is too slutty for pubilc consumption. The photo in the article isn't it (although it's not hard on the eyes): the original gravestone design was "a gravestone featuring two ample pink marble boulders in homage to her famously top-heavy figure..." So, one more rule for my notebook: graveyard tits are too slutty.

Michelle Pfeiffer and Kathy Bates have come out in favor of the legalization of prostitution after appearing as hookers in a new period piece. Wait - Kathy Bates plays a courtesan? Er, yeah, I'll run right out to see that. Anyhow, while I appreciate their support, I think basing their decision on a Hollywood idea of prostitution may be limiting. Pfiffer added, "we wouldn't want all women to miss out on the opportunity to learn something about themselves and find love in the process - because that's what prostitution is all about!"

Holy fuck, it's a good thing these guys got caught and taken off the street: "The Minnesota Nice Guys" were a group of 30 or so affluent Twin Cities men who flew in hookers for their own entertainment. As you might expect, the article is full of information on how they brutalized the women, abused children, and used drugs to control their sex partn...oh, wait: all they did was have sex with high-end call girls, such as a thirty-something ex-teacher from Colombia? Ah, it's about illegal immigrants - dear god, those monsters! It's a good thing the Violent Offender Task Force is cracking down on the Minnesota Nice Guys. They are exactly what the anti-prostitution lobbies say is the problem with prostitution.

After having a 'falling out' with his father, Robert Walters, Jr was cut out of the will. To add insult to injury, who did the estate go to? Walters, Sr's live-in caretaker..."with benefits". Claiming his father was manipulated by handjobs and hummers to give his estate to an escort instead of his only son, Junior is realizing something about the world: if you and your dad don't get along, he's going to find somebody else to reward for their kindness. Junior is suing, in hopes of proving in court that blood is thicker than hookers.

Let's say you run a sex-focused website, and you need content. Why not take ads for escorts from other websites and run them for free on your own? No go, says those free-ad hookers, adding: "It's attracting idiots, bloody psychos. They say they are just making inquiries but they just sound weird. I had one who asked me if I would come up to Auckland." My guess is "coming up to Aukland" is something akin to a snowball blowjob, but I'm not sure. Anyhow, advertising gurus know you want ads targeted and relevant, which is why you can't see an unblurred T-shirt in a rap video or on John and Kate Plus 8. The guy who ran the ad for free thinks the prostitutes are crazy to be against his charity, claiming lots of women enjoyed the free attention. My guess is those homely hookers were more than willing to "come up to Aukland," so to speak.

I haven't experienced such things, but it's nice some scientists are willing to take the plunge: a researcher from the Nerve think-tank describes going to a spa which offers "happy endings", which sounds far more pleasant than anyone could have explained; just the ambiance sounds like a fun time, without the extracurricular activities. If only the writer had read an article like this before going, he'd have been far less nervous. Still, it's a sample of one, and I'd probably end up at a creepy massage parlor, run by people of indeterminate gender and lack of running water.

Sometimes, dad's just do the right thing. When trying to figure out what to give his son as a gift, this dad was truly inspired: he decided to take his son to a prostitute, to lose his virginity. Best. Present. Ever. Apocryphally, this isn't particularly uncommon, but the stars weren't aligned for this dad - he got caught in a prostitution sting. The judge felt for the father's attempt at being a good daddy, and let him go without any jail time. Thank god for reasonable judges! No word on the state of the son's virginity, especially now that it is prime-time news.

As the global economy suffers, Russian men are turning to prostitutes more than ever. Why? Because you pay hookers for their time, and they're good listeners. Who needs sex anyways - they probably have wives at home anyhow - but if they want somebody to care, they gotta find an escort. Way to be emotionally secure in yourself, Russian men, but kudos for using hookers for their main purpose: companionship.

Debating a negative is kinda hard to follow, but those smarties at NPR could do it: they gathered a panel of intelligensia to debate the topic, Is It Wrong To Pay For Sex? in a moderated and rule-bound debate, which is a far cry than most crappy discussions in the media. After the debate, the audience was polled, and they found that 45% agreed that it was wrong to pay for sex, 46% thought it wasn't wrong to pay for sex, with a few undecided. Which gender thought it was more OK to pay for sex? Men, of course, thinking with their dicks when it comes to matters of public policy, just like that sewer tax referendum last summer.

Pro-tip: When attending a massage parlor, look for a price guide - if they don't advertise rates and things are negotiable with the masseur, you might be in a den of prostitution. One such establishment, unfortunately, has run afoul of the authorities by performing massages without a license, presumably because hand-jobs aren't the usual licensed-masseur fare. Also of note: The spa also has a dungeon. Palm beach sounds fucking awesome. The massage parlors around here just have aromatherapy foot baths in the basement. Believe me, I checked.

Be glad, oh patrons of the world's oldest profession: Nevada's politicians decided against a tax on prostitution, because the more tax the brothels pay, the more influence they have as a genuine business. Because, y'know, there's nothing businesslike about a transaction for services that involves an exchange of money.

Up next on a very special Lancelot Link: A young chimpanzee girl is forced into prostitution, only to be paid in Baconators for her...oh, wait - female chimps in the wild do accept payment of meat for sex, no coercion or violence involved. Now, next time you want to have some hot chimpy sex, you won't have to date her for a month or two before she puts out - bring some Braunschweiger and you won't have to rent that hotel room for the whole night.

Will abolishing prostitution stop human trafficking? Of course not, says "Foreign Policy in Focus", who recognizes that, although obvious, traffickers are doing something illegal - trafficking - and the trafficking is what needs to be stopped through efforts to, you know, stop trafficking rather than using it as an excuse to stop prostitution. The best results can be had by supporting the legal sex workers, so that there's no market for such illegal tomfoolery, and making it easy to monitor who's doing what. FPIF does a good job of pointing out the stupid and contradictory "evidence" used by the abolitionists, who demonize pretty much everyone involved and make absurd accusations like how nearly all Amsterdam hookers are the victims of white slavery.

A stewardess' after-hours job has gotten some attention: she has been moonlighting as a porn star named Edita Bente, in between offering people pillows and peanuts at 30,000 feet. The awesomest part of the story: her job is safe, because the airlines have the common sense to recognize that a person's free-time is unrelated to their job. Intelligence wins!

The Daily Spank has provided a very important list: Seven reasons to love whores. Not just "love" whores, but revel in the fact that such a thing exists. Sometimes, we forget the reason to love things that are always around you.

Craig's List, who had previously said they'd cut down on prostitution ads, still holds the title "single largest source of prostitution". In Chicago, at least, according to a Cook County sheriff, who has noticed, first-hand, that the place to go to find a hooker is Craigslist. Looks like "your mom" is falling further as the correct answer to the question: "where do I find a hooker?", but Craigslist is nowhere near as funny.

As I mentioned yesterday, a writer is hanging out at the Chicken Ranch, putting up series of blog posts depicting his adventures. For now, they can be seen here, although the author hasn't tagged everything quite the same, so also check his main page -- it would have been nice if the writer created a 'tag' for just this story, so they could all be on one page without any others. My only other recommendation: if you're writing for a blog, don't be so newspapery; shorter, more trivial blog posts in between the more meaty posts act like pull-quotes or sidebars, be! cause people like that stuff. The fun of an article on hookers ordering in Subway because of a power outage holds so much more potential than his dry, facutal article.

Let's say, hookers and johns are doing their business in front of your home. Do you have the right to shoot them with a paintball, super-soaker, or other non-lethal device? Sadly, no, although that would be an awesome event to charge admission to. The police, of course, prefer you call 911, at which time a cop will show up an hour too late, decline to make a report due to the lack of evidence, and scold you for using 911 for such unimportant things.

You snatch up an awesome rental - good location, fits your family, but something's amiss when men start showing up at all hours. Oh, by the way, it used to be a brothel. Sadly, the new tenants weren't in any position to make the existing advertising work in their favor; they had no interest in running a brothel themselves, and having three small children made them uncomfortable with men arriving to "have a good time" - they no longer live in the former whorehouse. (via)

Richard Abowitz of the LA Times is going undercover: living at the Chicken Ranch, one of Las Vegas' nearby legal brothels, in hopes of uncovering just what legalized prostitution means. This appears to be the first in a series of poorly-linked, unedited-rough-draft blog posts, because that's what the kids like to read these days, right? Hopefully it won't be hard to keep an eye on his articles; I'd like to hear what he's got to say, if it's not too buried in blog crap.