...Or She Gets It!

Marlys knew her brother was a production assistant on a film, but visiting him on the set reveals he left out one small detail about the nature of the films he worked on. Little did she know, today was the day Buffy would finally snap. "Alright, nobody move, otherwise the homely chick I've never seen before gets it!"

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Cummings: American Hero!

Dave Cummings is a 69-year-old American porn star, and the greatest asset our fine young nation has to offer the world! I mean, think about it: when you're 69, you're going to be lucky you can even use an erection properly, let alone stick it into some big-titted porn star. Former military man, devoted father, working well into his retirement years: he's everything that constitutes a hero of this great United States of America! Unfortunately, Japan has a 70-something porn star, but they're always ahead of us in everything sexual. Damn you, Japan!

Porn Star = Billboard!

Let's say, you're a marketer, and you want to get your logo in front of the eyes of people who rarely leave the house, spend all their time staring at a computer screen. How do you get their attention? tattoo your logo on the tits of a porn star. This, my friends, is genius! The company sells virtual currency for online games, which means, that, yes, in terms of visual surfaces, porno tits occupy, like, 45% of the viewer's day, with the other 55% in the game itself anyway. Better than some poor loser's forehead - that just breeds pity and sorrow; porn star boobs make things awesomer.

Ron Jeremy: New Movie!

Here's how Ron Jeremy describes a new movie he's in: "If aliens could see the Earth the first thing they'd notice is satellites. What's the biggest thing on satellite? Porn. What's the biggest thing in porn? Me. The aliens infiltrate my penis and it severs from my body during a sex scene and runs along the floor and starts a killing spree.." Um, sounds like a freakin' classic, dude. Still, it's always nice to hear Ron Jeremy talk about his life and business - they guy is always so grounded and approachable; it's no wonder women like to see him in porn. He's the guy they all want to date: friendly, funny, and with a huge dick.

Gay Porn = Suspended!

So, let's say you want to film a porno, to get a little scratch for tuition. Um, well, when the tuition goes to a Christian school, you might want to rethink your choice of career. Dude, like with Miss California - don't you fucking realize that Christians are the ones who disapprove of your life? Getting nude, being gay, performing in porn: those are all things that Christians say are against their moral fibre. If you think any or all of those are fine, you shouldn't be enrolling at a school which specifically says some or all of those are against their moral expectations. People send their kids to private religious schools because of their Conservative bent. You want to get naked, you want to fuck strangers for money, excellent - but stop pretending you're some good Christian, recognize yourself for what you are. Christian Conservatives get way too much support from stupid people who don't know any better. Mr. Gay Christian: keep doing your porns, go to a public university, and your life will be happier if you be Christian in your own porn-loving, boy-fucking way. Fuck the Christian establishment.

Miss CA: Topless Model!

Ah, social conservatives: you never realize just how much of your happiness is provided by loose morals and social progressivism. Case in point: Miss California Carrie Prejean, who had said, during her question-and-answer, that she thinks marriage is only for men and women, and later that she would do her best to protect "traditional marriage" (from what, we do not know), has been discovered to have posed topless for a photographer. Ms. Prejean, don't you understand that those sorts of photos are considered pornography by your fellow conservatives? She believes that it's a 'gay conspiracy' to discredit her, without realizing the real source: the rules against nude photos, as outlined in her contract, are established by social conservatives who want to promote the veneer of proper respectibility that comes with being a Miss Someplace. Me, I know a Miss California has no real influence on the world, and I got no problem with women posing nude, so she's really off base if she thinks progressives or liberals are manipulating her history. Her history is unaccaptable by social and moral conservative standards, and if those are the rules she lives by, she needs to pay the piper - hell, Prejean didn't even tell anybody about the photos when she should have. If there's one thing Conservatives know, is you can't have things both ways, Ms. Prejean. "Oh, you homosexuals, you don't live up to my expectations of what is proper in society, so I want to take away your ability to get married - but - no, my partial-nudity is getting my Miss California title taken away?!? What gives you the right?!!" When I step up to the counter, I'll order a large Schadenfreude, with a side of Ironic Justice, please! I wonder if, when her title is taken away, California will reposess the breasts they bought for her. Strip her of her title, her value, her new-and-improved body, oh Conservative powers: make her an example of how you build up a shiny, pretty exterior, only to destroy it when it shows any flaw under your unreasonable expectations.

Porn Star Stewardess!

A stewardess' after-hours job has gotten some attention: she has been moonlighting as a porn star named Edita Bente, in between offering people pillows and peanuts at 30,000 feet. The awesomest part of the story: her job is safe, because the airlines have the common sense to recognize that a person's free-time is unrelated to their job. Intelligence wins!

Porn Star Tweets

Boy, as if you needed to know anything more about the tiniest details of your favorite pornstars, somebody's kludged together a way to follow all porn-star Twitters at once. The domain is "P, or N, start weet", which I think is some reference the P/NP problem, and the sound guinea-pigs make. Awfully brainy domain for a website devoted to self-paparraziing erotic film stars. (via)

Porn Star Wife: EXCELLENT

Style.com talks to several guys who are each married to a "porn star" (with a grain of salt, though; every actor who's ever been in porn is called a "star"), and chit-chats about what it's like to be married to the object of lust for men around the world. The answer: not much different from regular marriages, as long as you don't freak out over her career choice...plus you get to fuck a porn star. I call that a 'win' in everyone's book.