Tandem Boob Press!

COED magazine, conniseurs of the art of semi-nude horny photography, have identified one common move that really gets the juices flowing: The Tandem Boob Press. "Tandem Boob Press" would be an awesome name for a book publisher, but, sadly, all it is....IS THIS!

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Holy fuck, that's hot, even though there's no nipples or cunt visible. 'Sceuse me, I need to go do something in the bathroom for a couple minutes...

No More Mixed Doubles!

Alas, so many sports photographers will be losing a potential moneymaking source: an aspiring tennis star has decided her 34FF breasts are in the way, and is planning a breast-reduction surgery. Just think of all the mid-swing breast photos they could have sold! Don't believe me? The London Paper has provided a slideshow of the breasts in question, so you can see what assets she's dealing with on the court. To quote the website's comments: "your boobs are more precious than tennis". Someday, tennis will fall by the wayside, but her breasts will never leave her.

Go North, Breast Man!

In a scientific and educational study, British researchers have found that Yorkshire women have the biggest tits. Londoners, however, have the smallest, so when you go you England to get laid (who doesn't?) don't stick in the city: go find a busty rural lass, show her some attention, because the article says "nearly four in ten believe their bigger busts make it harder to find a partner". Over here in the U.S., those same "4 in 10 think that bigger breasts make it STOP STARING AT THEM, MORON".

Breasts Make TV More Exciting!

The fucking understatement of the century! See, America, this is why Latin television kicks your ass: nobody cares how naughty it is. Sin Senos no hay Paraiso is a hugely popular telanovela, which focuses on girls seducing drug dealers to pay for their breast enhancements, which has so much embedded awesome, I may have to change satellite providers just to get Telemundo. The title even translates to "Without Breasts There is No Paradise" according to Google, which is like calling Daisy of Love "Her Tits Lure Douches". Which, in fact, translates to "Su Tetas Atraen Douches" in Spanish, which sounds like one of those artsy foreign films you only watch for the promise of on-screen nudity.

Splash Mtn Boobies Back!

Joy of joys, Disney has returned to it's definition as Happiest Place on Earth! Disneyland has stopped making employees review and discard flashed-boobs images on the Splash Mountain ride, and other gravity-defying rides. Disney claims the actual occurrences are rare...which, if we're lucky, is only because people are watching now. Open the floodgates, announce to the media that nobody's going to watch out for naked boobies, and the flood of 17-year-old boobs displayed on a bank of monitors at the ride exit will child-pornify your favorite Disney events. God bless America!

Boob Theater!

With the overwhelming positive response to Puppetry of the Penis, Women were feeling left out - and Busting Out was born. Now, don't get your hair in a tizzle: the actresses appear to be older than porn stars, but according to the show's producers, floppiness is better for the performance. Fuck you, perky twenty-somethings! Go take your high-slung breasts to the lad mags if you think they're so great! Sadly, this is a UK thing, but I've seen plenty of floppy American breasts (at least 15), so I'm certain there's enough talent stateside to fill an off-broadway, a Vegas strip, and a touring cast.

50 Boob Things!

I've had several of these on this site in the past, but Manofest has done the footwork and pulled together 50 boob-themed products, enough to completely replace having a girlfriend. Frankly, if you have more than 8 of these in your home, having a girlfriend will become an unlikely experience anyway.

Dog Owner Breast Safety!

I've found a kindred spirit, one who watches the Kennel Club shows for the same reason: the bouncing breasts. Inventor Selaine Saxby noticed how the women jogging with their pets around the ring were risking tit injury, and decided to make it right by inventing a bra specifically designed to prevent show-dog handlers from chest injuries. While I can appreciate the benefit to the women, it potentially reduces the amount of boobie-bouncing on TV, which means more of my masturbation-time may be spent watching pomeranians prance around the screen. I'm still weighing the pros and cons.

Sternomancy!

Holy fuck, I've found my calling in life: fortune telling via the ancient art of 'sternomancy', which means examining the chest for aspects that might foretell the future. It seems I may need to travel to 18th-century Spain to learn the craft, but I can't find any fault in examining the chests of fine Spanish ladies in learning a new trade.

Breasts: Mysteries!

The Examiner has a helpful article for those of us breast afficianadoes that don't actually have breasts of our own. First, a fun statistic: three out of 100 nipples are innies: I don't like that number, because it means that there's one poor gal out there with one innie and one outie. Secondly, they draw attention to the fact that superfluous nipples are quite common - and I know, because I've got two, evenly spaced and just above my belt-line, much to the consternation of Gracie who was not expecting such a mutation in her lover. Nipples are awesome!

Hand-Grab Boob Bra!

It looks uncomfortable, it is likely to cause a 'wardrobe malfunction', it draws a lot of attention to the tits -- and it's the most amazing invention ever. Pretend you're Janet Jackson on Rolling Stone with these hand bras.

iPod Boobies!

Ah, isn't there anything that isn't made better by redesigning it in boob-form? Not only are these a boob pillow, but they also double as iPod speakers. Technology is wonderful!

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas, Y'all - put on your best Christmas outfit and go visit Grandma and Grandpa!





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Halloween Costumes: Republican Worldview

"That's disgusting, her making me all horny by having her breasts right there - let's cover them up, so nobody can see them, and so they know not to look at them, write 'censored' right across those sweet, tender nipples. Now, nobody will be tempted to look at her chest with lecherous desire anymore, right?"

Hidden Tits On Your 70s Tie

Man, once upon a time the world was a great place, where you could walk around with a hot chick on your chest and nobody cared about it. Well, at least with this example from Retro Thing it wasn't like the babe was visible, but you knew it was there, and that's all that mattered:

Hot Chicks With Their Rolleiflex

Sure, some might want to tell you the smaller ones are better, but people like me prefer the big, well-cared-for ones adorning a woman's chest. Wait, what were you thinking? I'm talking about tits...oh, and the classic Rolleiflex cameras that were all the rage in the 1950s. Here's some sexy ladies with an affinity for the twin lens reflex, and some fine sweater-twins to go along with:








Okay, that last one isn't a TLR Rolleiflex; still, gotta give a babe credit for her taste in cameras -- a Hasselblad 200 kicks a consumer Rolleiflex's ass.