Bea Arthur: Grunt!

Although the gruff-voiced, burly, tall woman had the demeanor of a drill sergeant during the Golden Girls years, it turns out Bea Arthur was a fucking Marine during WWII. And, according to the Smoking Gun's files, she was a stone-cold fox, too. Yeah, who hasn't masturbated to a Maude Nick-At-Nite marathon, but according to her USMC files, she was sexy, she liked to shoot guns, she was a god-damned truck driver, so if you didn't know by now, NOBODY FUCKS WITH BEA ARTHUR. It's too bad that women were relegated to the behind-the-scenes work in the military at that time, because I'll bet you could airdrop Bea Arthur behind enemy lines with nothing but a tommygun, five grenades, a pack of toothpicks, three pieces of chewing gum, and a map to Hitler's home, and WWII would have been over in the time it would take for Bea to steal a Panzer tank. Which is about fifteen minutes by my calculation, slowed only by the tensile strength of German armor of the time. Her Marine superiors thought she was "over-agressive" and "argumentative", but then they never saw her rip a guy's lungs out through his ribs simply for stealing her parking spot. Rumor has it that Bea was scheduled to command during the Bay of Pigs invasion, but Sid Caesar wouldn't give her time off, that bastard. Sid shit on the entire Cold War, which is why he was blacklisted well into the 21st century. Bea Arthur: hero of democracy. Oh, and she was damn sexy back in the day.


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