All Porn Is Gay!

Dude, I'm apparently the cause of 38% of gayness in the upper Midwest. All porn is homosexual porn, because it makes your sexuality turn inwards, says Michael Schwartz, chief-of-staff for Republican Oklahoma senator Tom Coburn, who, surprisingly, is one of the few Republicans who don't have first-hand experience with how gay sex works. "Rubbing your own penis makes you love the penis more" is about the only possible translation I can get of it, but, dude, looking at boobs is hardly going to 'turn' any guys gay. Watching a guy fuck a woman doesn't make you wish, "boy, I wish that vagina was my ass", it makes you wish "I wish that was my dick in that vagina." However, Schwartz wants you to tell your kids that porn causes the gay, then see how much porn they want to look at. "Playboy will make you gay, Bobby, what do you say to that?" "No, no, please don't make me look at tits, dear God, no!" Schwartz credits a ex-homosexual religious leader for that quote, and if there's anybody you shouldn't trust for gay information, it's a former-homosexual. They've gotta spin a whole lotta crazy in their heads to defeat their predisposed sexual urges.


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