Australia, known for its beautiful beaches and dedication to beer, are up in arms: conservatives are trying to get topless beaches banned. Current laws ban "nude" sunbathing, but doesn't explicitly say "ban anything that might accidentally give a religious person a boner." We all know that the only place a religious person is supposed to get an erection is during the sins they participate in private, such as mensroom-gay-sex and masturbating-to-your-wife's-Cosmo, and they couldn't possibly accept that nude people can be seen without sexually lustful gazes. Lust is the only thing Conservatives can't control, it seems.