Teens: Sex Addicts!

Deat god, it's a fucking epidemic! Our teens, normally docile, abstinent creatures, are being diagnosed as sex addicts like never before, and they don't even know it. If they are unable to mate with another of their species, they are resorting to copious masturbation. This is far worse than we had ever expected. It's a good thing our communities and teachers are discouraging them from safe sex practices or giving teens easy access to birth- and disease-control, because this has never been a problem before, so the only solution is to continue to preach abstinence, because that's always worked well. You'd think a kid who is constantly told their sexual urges are wrong and ! a sin wouldn't turn to medical diagnosis of a disease, but, well, what're you going to do? I mean, aside from masturbate while crying.


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