Pope Granted Super Powers

In a move shocking to world superpowers, the Pope's "handlers" allowed him to slip from their grip and ingest a small amount of water from the fountain of Lourdes, a spring from which holy water pours directly from the ground. The holy water added a significant amount of Jesus energy to the aging pope, causing what so many tried to prevent: the ability for the Pope to travel through time. In other news, new evidence has just appeared, as if from a dream, that proves Martin Luther, King Henry VIII, and Joseph Stalin were never born. More details later.

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