Porn Ruins Study!

Researchers in the UK want to study men who haven't been exposed to hardcore pornography. That, unfortunately, is impossible: everyone they found had been exposed to porn in their life. Kinda like finding a virgin on her wedding night, amirite? They decided to study actual porn use, and found that single guys used porn about 4 times as much as married blokes, and guys were as young as 10 when first exposed -- but they quickly discarded stuff they found offensive, which the study says is a good sign that porn doesn't damage men, damaged men prefer icky porn. While the study didn't get to gauge the gap between non-pornified men and their pervert brethren, they did find some important things out, and I hope, someday, they find that rural, blind man who has never thought about sex in his entire life.

Pornamis and Pornquakes!

The Emperor of Indonesia has discovered the source of all their woes: the availability of cheap porn has caused deadly earthquakes, tsunamis, the world economic collapse, three hundred fifty thousand cases of spontaneous limbectomies, the popularity of Ben Stein, and at least four alien invasions. While he didn't say all of those, a high percentage were. The minister warns: because we haven't done anything about porn, the natural disasters will continue, because science has recently proven that plate tectonics has long been driven by photographs of tits and fucking. It's sure a good thing that Indonesia's "Communication and Information Minister" is so well-informed.

Android Porn!

The iPhone might have been first, but it kinda sucks - mostly because, unless you live in a big city, it's a useless piece of crap. Secondly, if you want porn, it's an even bigger useless piece of crap. Google to the rescue: the G-based Android phone has a bigger wireless network, and they're totally OK with pornographic apps in their store. It'll only be a matter of time before Apple opens up the naughtiness, but my money is still on the 'Droid. Remember Betamax, HDDVD, the development of chat and streaming software - the technology that best embraces pornography will always take center stage. Bye, iPhone, your absence of genitals will be your downfall.

3G = Porn!

For us Western countries, 3G means high-speed internet in your pocket; for China, in theory, it means no longer having to keep the string stretched as tight as possible when you talk into the soupcan to Grandma, but the powers-that-be claim all 3G will bring is pornography. Other things the Chinese government have blamed for the increase in pornography are the internet, printing presses, fax machines, LEDs, pizza delivery restaurants, Reebok sneakers, Linkin Park, ornately designed flower gardens in private yards, hovercrafts, dry-erase markers, and, of course, Japan.

Porn Is Hiring!

The economy is slumping, people aren't spending the way they have, and torrents are to blame for everything, so what's a key grip or best boy to do? Go work on porn. It used to be, in the high-flying eighties, if you weren't union you had to start out in porn, but since porn is the only one hiring these days those same film crewmembers have to look towards the seedy side of filmmaking to get the bills paid. Poor Sasha Gray - she worked so hard to break out, and a bad economy will just keep pulling her in!

Maryland: College Porn OK!

The grand province of Maryland has passed a law to require colleges to screen their campus for pornography. Not just their internet connection - everything on campus was to be screened for porn. Maryland university's responses: "Dude, have you seen how much porn there is in the world?." The article fudges around the edges of first amendment rights and the legality of being the obscenity police, but I'd like to add this: college students are FUCKING ADULTS. Jesus christ, treat people like children until their fucking thirty and let's see what direction society goes. "Hello, there, Mr. Med Student, heard you saved somebody's life yesterday - oh, and hand over the Playboys, you can't be trusted to make good decisions about sex."

Porn Revival: Women!

Here's a porn story every conservative Republican can get behind: the porn industry is losing its misogynistic edges thanks to the capitalistic influence of women. Ayn Rand would be proud! By becoming a larger part of the porn purchasing consumer-base, which used to be made up of entirely of child molesters and closeted gay Republicans according to Fox News, women are influencing the content and subject of pornographic films. The article is more-or-less an extended ad for last month's PorYes events, which aim to endorse female-friendly pornography. With the economic downturn porn has been slipping like everything else; those women's dollars (or Euros, as the case might be) have a greater weight than ever before - do it for the porn industry, ladies: use capitalism to make porn more enjoyable for everyone, including those closeted gay Republicans.

Gov't MUST GIVE PORN!

Tennessee's Electric Power Board, a government entity which provides utilities to the region, also provides Cable TV service. When they decided to add PPV porn, the shit hit the fan. The EPB's response: we're the government, censoring porn on moral grounds constitutes a First Amendment violation. You're God damn right it is. Notice how Republican senator David Fowler has no problem with a socialist utility company - those god damned socialists are ruining the competition! - but when the utility provides a customer-desired service - god damned capitalists, doing what the market wants! - the Conservative Republican is outraged - outraged! - that they can't control the socialist utility's capitalistic decision to provide a particular product because it violates the citizen's 1st Amendment rights. There's so much fail in the Republican response, it makes me want to go buy pay-per-view porn in Tennessee just to spite those hypocrytical assholes. The biggest takeaway is this: only when a politican can control and benefit from something, are they for it. Fuck all y'all, you just voted for them, but what have you done for them since?

Porn: Ruining Good Sex!

Give it a rest, guys: the sex you see in porn isn't real sex, and you shouldn't be trying to copy it. I'm not quite sure it's true, though: the last time I was at a high school, everybody suddenly broke into a song and dance number right after the handsome jock asked the gorgeous nerd to prom; I had eaten so many shrooms that day. I find porn entertaining, and even laugh at it from time to time - that 'dick slapping' move mentioned in the link is so absurdly unsexy I wonder how it got so widespread - but I know better than to think any position for having sex while cheating open for the cameras isn't going to be much fun. The problem has got to be inexperienced guys who know nothing else. Ladies, would you rather you had a guy who didn't know anything about sexual pleasure trying to figure you out? At least these guys have a baseline to work from; the product of our educational system only know how to make babies and prevent disease, but porn-educated lovers at least understand the good parts somewhat.

Porn Rocks!

Black Sun Gazette has produced one of the more succinct articles on why porn criticisms are all wrong. They take on addiction, disease, sexism, misogyny, and all the other crap people lob at porn as reason it sucks, and tears them all down. What does that leave? I can only deduce: porn is awesome. You get to watch people fuck, you get to maybe have an orgasm, and then you can totally do it again later. But, hey, I've been saying porn is awesome for years, so I'm not surprised.

Smut Rules!

Those fucking liberal Canadians: they allow an erotica story in their papers without getting into how sex is destroying society. Don't they understand the risks involved in promoting something fun without pointing out consequences? They don't have enough puritans up there, dammit. "Forget Porn, Gimme My Smut" hopes to explain to people, hey, pictures of people fucking might still be awesome, but have you thought about reading about people fucking? With those frilly, girly-romance covers, you can probably get away with reading them in public without being noticed, too. The bulk of the story is a how-to from an erotica writer, so next time you sit down to try and be an author, write some porn, dammit - it's more fun than you think.

Best-Selling Porn Ever!

CNBC, otherwise known as "MSNBC's nerdy older brother", bring us a slideshow of The Best-Selling Adult DVDs of All Time. Well, not "of all time" - of the past couple years, or so, there's no "Green Door" or "Deep Throat" on the list. the lowest numbers sold in the 8,000 copies or so, which doesn't seem like much at all - let's skip to the best-seller, which has to be "Pirates" or- wait, what the hell is "Brad Armstrong's Flashpoint"? What the fuck? "Pirates" is #3, after "Flashpoint" and a fucking clip DVD. All the photos are "courtesy AdultDVDEmpire", and you can certainly bet the list's actual contents come from them too. Title, however, has to be CNBC's fault - you can tell they send the nerds to work at CNBC, because when you're the web developer who posts a "best porn of all-time" list, and you don't even have a base reference of what porn is popular to question, 'hey, that list doesn't sound right', you're too geeky to work on the same TV channel as Keith Olbermann; expect to be sent to the Jim Cramer channel, that's more your speed.

Pornography Awareness Week!

Welcome to Pornography Awareness Week! All I know is about the title, so my guess is you've come to this website for the first time, to make yourself aware to what the world of pornography has to offer. You can start wi-oh, wait a fucking second right here. Pornography Awareness Week is a conservative evangelical movement to point out perceived problems with porn. The want to make sure you know that "the average age that children first come into contact with pornographic material is 9 years old.", which means every god-damned person in charge of Pornography Awareness Week - and all Christians, due to their majority status in the US - saw pornography in their formative years and obviously are too emotionally damaged to be listened to. I mean, just look at the numbers, people: they're not averaging criminals or atheists. The average age of everybody is 9, including that nice bus driver who takes your kids to school, the english teacher who sings in the church choir, the school's police officer - they all viewed porn around the age of nine, on average. Their pornography experiences have damaged them to the point that they are irrational and unable to properly deal with their urges, so let's just not pay them any attention. Me: my first pornographic experience was around age 12, at a friend's house, looking through some 1970s Penthouses he had gotten/stolen from an older cousin, who it sounded like had gotten/stolen them from some other relative. Shortly thereafter I found my parent's porn stash. Just because I was older than nine doesn't mean I was affected any less - I'm just as fucked up as the 'porn awareness' people, so you better fucking run for the hills.

Porn Too Loud!

Living in close proximity to your neighbors is a pain-in-the-ass, especially when the satellite porn channel is so loud you can hear it through the walls. It sucks even more when the noisy neighbor is the satellite TV channel. The Sky channel EliteTV has moved their production studios, but their new neighbors are annoyed at the amount of fucksounds going on. Dumbasses, this is a freakin' boon to your property values! Media production companies moving in is a sign of gentrification - put that 'for sale' sign out and everybody will be happy. I'd totally buy a house next door to a porn studio; the perks are amazing.

Marge Simpson: Sinner!

It's been all over the news: Marge Simpson is nude on the new Playboy. Yawn. You know who's not yawning over it? Christians. Christians are all up in arms over a cartoon being naked. They're demanding 7-11 stop carrying Playboy - wait, huh? - 7-11s don't carry Playboy, unless some manager orders it anyway? That's no excuse! Won't somebody think of the children, who see a cartoon and have no clue what a Playboy is?!!? Fuck you, asshole: boys stopping in for a Slurpee want that Playboy because there's dog-damned mother-loving tits inside. And, I mean, it's a sacrilege to portray a wholesome, kid-friendly cartoon-oh, yeah: Marge spent most of one episode of The Simpsons naked, running through town, trying to avoid being seen by strangers and children, because she was trying to fuck her husband in a public place, where they risked being caught - and in another, flashes her implant-enhanced breasts at a group of strangers. Hallelujah - show The Simpsons in kindergartens, the Christian Right is protecting them from being sullied by evil hedonists!

Firemen Like Porn!

So, a nine-year-old visits his mom at her fire-station job, goes to the bathroom, and finds porn. Of course he's going to steal it and take it home, hiding it under his bed. And, of course, mom freaks the fuck out, ending up discovering five dozen more pornographic magazines at the fire station. Because, y'know, the world is in danger if some child is going to wander by and steal the firemen's porn. The fire department has offered $200,000 to settle her lawsuit - wait, her kid steals something that's not appropriate for him to have while visiting a non-kid-friendly place, and the fire department is out almost a quarter of a million dollars? It's a good thing fire departments are rolling in the dough, nothing important to spend their money on, and nine-year-olds can fuck it up for firemen by doing what nine-year-olds do.

Hef: Awesome Dude!

The Irish among you readers can hear a profile on Hef on RTE1 this Thursday, but their article on Hef's life and future is pretty good, too. The guy has been putting a positive spin for decade on having sex, married, unmarried, beautiful or not, rich or not, and living the lifestyle openly that you choose. If there's anybody who needs to an icon in our current world, where private desires are nearly universally available to us First World countries, it's Hugh Hefner.

Ruler Defeats Porn Law!

Edison, NJ, the place last year's eXXXotica show moved to when Secaucus told them to leave, tried to pass an ordinance restricting adult businesses within a quarter mile of churches, schools, etc. Thankfully, somebody owned a tape measure, and determined that eXXXotica's venue wasn't within the restricted distance, so the sale of dildos is planned to continue unabated. Festivities start today.

Gay Porn Saves Israel!

If there's one bad thing I've been saying about Israel, it's the lack of gay porn. Michael Lucas, of gay-porn production company Lucas Entertainment, thinks what Israel needs to survive is a hard, hot injection of gay film. How that will help Israel more than any other place, I'm not sure - I once told people that all Luxembourg needs to survive is a gay porn industry, and they looked at me like I'm crazy - but who's crazy now, Israel? Huh? WHO?

All Porn Is Gay!

Dude, I'm apparently the cause of 38% of gayness in the upper Midwest. All porn is homosexual porn, because it makes your sexuality turn inwards, says Michael Schwartz, chief-of-staff for Republican Oklahoma senator Tom Coburn, who, surprisingly, is one of the few Republicans who don't have first-hand experience with how gay sex works. "Rubbing your own penis makes you love the penis more" is about the only possible translation I can get of it, but, dude, looking at boobs is hardly going to 'turn' any guys gay. Watching a guy fuck a woman doesn't make you wish, "boy, I wish that vagina was my ass", it makes you wish "I wish that was my dick in that vagina." However, Schwartz wants you to tell your kids that porn causes the gay, then see how much porn they want to look at. "Playboy will make you gay, Bobby, what do you say to that?" "No, no, please don't make me look at tits, dear God, no!" Schwartz credits a ex-homosexual religious leader for that quote, and if there's anybody you shouldn't trust for gay information, it's a former-homosexual. They've gotta spin a whole lotta crazy in their heads to defeat their predisposed sexual urges.

Japan, France Porn Problem!

Porn piracy is rampant all around the world, and even though the US pushes a deluge of crappy porn into the universe, we're not the only ones. France and Japan have their own pornographers, but they're not immune to piracy, either. So, what do they do about it? France says, eh, it happens, Japan says fuck you pirates, here's a lawsuit! Japan pornographers have thus taken the RIAA model of media ownership and launched an attack on South Korea, while France has, obviously, surrendered. I'd say that the content has something to do with it: Japan knows there's no other source for tentacle child rape in the world, so they're going to protect their valuable assets, but, come on, who can't get a French woman naked in front of a camera?

Jenna Haze: Everywhere!

First, Jenna Haze wins a big AVN award, then she's being "normal" in Hawaii, and now she's performing as the top-billed star in a Twilight porn parody. What hasn't Jenna Haze done yet? Ah, she hasn't been to Fargo - but she'll cross that off her list next Friday when she performs up there at The Northern, which back in my day was called the 4-10 Lounge. Here's the stripclub's website.

Hef: Making Sex Better!

Hugh Hefner gets a bad rap for objectifying women, but his detractors overlook the amount of positive work towards gay rights, reproductive freedom, and feminism in general that Hef has accomplished over the past decades. All because shlubs like me like to look at boobs. God bless Hugh Hefner - any guy that's pro-choice, pro-gay, and pro-boobs is the greatest human that ever lived.

Grandma's Porn!

Gather 'round, kids, we're gonna hear a story about the olden days: Wasn't porn so much better back in the seventies, and why doesn't that happen now? Short answer: well, there isn't one, other than that nostalgia always makes things look greater than it was at the time. I do like the point that old porn had a "we're in this together" feel, the same actors and crew had each other's backs, like the first half of Boogie Nights, but then Nena Hartley kept banging other guys and Quiz Kid Donnie Smith had to pop a cap in everyone's ass, and then the porn industry went to hell.

Jon & Kate Fuck Eight?!??

Holy crap, my Netflix queue is full, otherwise I'd so fucking expect this to arrive in my mail tomorrow. Just hearing the title John and Kate Fuck Eight is enough for me to know I will totally rub my cock raw. I can't think of anything sexier than that god damned hairstyle and bitchy attitude, and I guess the Kate is kinda hot too. As long as Kate Goselin keeps turning down Playboy, at least I'll have this parody porn to work off of.

Porn = Spa Day!

Watching porn is like a spa day all rolled into thirty seconds, says the Today Show's sex expert. He gets to relax, somebody touches him, and there's a relieving release somewhere in there, which is pretty much like what happens at a spa, right? And - best of all - it doesn't cost a hundred and twenty bucks. That'll last him a couple months of camgirl access, so, remember, ladies: his taste for boobs isn't about sex: it's relaxation.

Mirror Neurons Are Hot!

You know what turns you on at the strip club and while watching porn? Mirror neurons. Your brain goes into anticipating and remembering how sex happens, but no sex actually happens, so you look at more porn, continuing to remember how sex happens, making your brain actually go through the motions of sex, until you've made a mess in your boxers. Oh, yeah: mirror neurons are also involved in how you learn to play piano and ride a bike, but if there's ever been proof of a God, it's the ability to trick mirror neurons into having sex and masturbating while you're doing it. It's like Disneyland and every illegal drug mixed into one, and you're made that way.

Porn + Condoms!

AIDS organizations, California's OSHA, and others are pressuring the porn industry to wear condoms. No Way, Jose', says the porn industry, if only because Jose' is the guy with the twelve-inch dick ready for his deep-throat scene. Why not? People don't want to see porn stars wearing condoms, according to the pornographers themsleves, which I totally don't agree with. I've seen porn made with everyone wearing condoms (interestingly, they magically appear before insertion and disappear before the facial, but if anything porn is known for its scene-cut efficiency), but I have yet to think, "ick, they're wearing a condom?" Get over yourselves, porn industry: if a condom is the thing that puts viewers off your shitty wham-bam-thankyou-mam films, you're focus on integrity of your art is sorely mistaken.

Tourist Porn Trap!

German tourists having a good time on the Spanish Mediterranean of Mallorca are being trapped and forced to be sexually exploited against their will. Videos of tourists having sex are being posted online, horribly using these poor tourists' bodies, who are just trying to enjoy themselves. All they have to do is force the tourists to have sex on camera by offering a sexy woman and the opportunity for public sexual intercourse. Yes, these men voluntarily get up on stage, in a crowd of hundreds, and fuck a sexy woman - and then complain that somebody posted them to PornTube. Rule #1 of not being an inadvertent porn star: don't have sex in public. Rule #2: if you do have sex in public and get filmed, you're not the exploited one; you got exactly what you wanted, to fuck somebody while everyone watched. One of these "abused" men said, "I wanted to try something new, but my one bit me. It was painful rather than pleasurable." Dude, that pain isn't an internet video: it's gonorrhea. You should have that checked out. Not from the woman in the video, no, but you probably didn't just stop at fucking one young Spanish lady in Mallorca, did you?

7.5% Porn!

Analysis of the Dallas library system shows that seven and a half percent of all traffic is porn. That's around one out of 15 clicks, which, come on, for Dallas is probably a small number. Maybe those homeless guys have figured out how to use seven proxies so that they can look at boobs on the public computers without setting off any warnings. Not that Dallas has any anti-porn software: the analysis comes because they want to find out if they need to install porn-blocking software. Personally, I say they put a cop on-site, and anyone looking at porn in a way that you can see it over their shoulder gets arrested for public indecency - solves the homeless problem in the library, teaches people that, hey, boobs on the library computer might be a bad thing, and - fuck - get some people to go read some god-damned books rather than wasting their time on the public PCs. If you want to look at porn in public, that's what your internet-enabled cellphone is for.

Porn Makes The Man?

Lemondrop took a look at what men watch in porn, and figured out it's not what he wants to do, but what turns him on. Porn is the distilled id of men's arousal: you wonder why movies have moved from stories to a MTV-like cacophony of sexual positions and cumshots? That's why. It doesn't make porn more enjoyable; it makes it more masturbatorial. So, while men might not want to emulate it, that porn can be further distilled into examples of what he wants: the ingenue, to be in control, to be a voyeur, to be gay...well, that last one may be the only one that breaks a relationship, but the rest are cues for being the hottest lover ever. So, ladies, start watching your guy's porn, and take notes: hell, just watching your guy's porn might be the hottest thing ever for him, so it's a win-win no matter how you cut it.

Porn Screenwriting?

Think your erotic writing is up to snuff? Porn screenwriting isn't for you: porn screenwriters only write the non-porn stuff, for the most part, and get paid crap. They have less to write than a regular feature film, about the same as a TV sitcom, so there's no super porn screenwriters guild full of well-paid and respected authors. The worry is, now that porn is shrinking into downloadable chunk-sized bits, who even bothers hiring a screenwriter? Soon, the regular screenwriting business is going to be flooded with talented writers fill the scripts with naughty innuendo, but stop when the story gets good and says, "the director will fill in from here." If you've seen the new Transformers movie, you'll understand that things are already underway.

Cummings: American Hero!

Dave Cummings is a 69-year-old American porn star, and the greatest asset our fine young nation has to offer the world! I mean, think about it: when you're 69, you're going to be lucky you can even use an erection properly, let alone stick it into some big-titted porn star. Former military man, devoted father, working well into his retirement years: he's everything that constitutes a hero of this great United States of America! Unfortunately, Japan has a 70-something porn star, but they're always ahead of us in everything sexual. Damn you, Japan!

Geeks: Four Reasons!

Hey, nerd, spending all day looking at porn on the computer because you don't think you can get a hot chick? Loser! Turns out, geeks and nerds have more to offer than they realize, provided they can crawl out of mom's basement and actually go out and meet a woman. And it's not like the 80s movies, where she has to be a geeky chick, too: a normal woman might like your glasses-wearing, too-short-pants-stylin' ways, too.

Porn Star: No Wedding!

Let's say, you've found a nice, friendly, attractive man, who cares for you and - bonus! - he's awesome in bed. He says he's a personal trainer, but...well, here's a reason to avoid bachelorette parties: during the porn-research part of bachelorette preparations, somebody noticed that the sexy, loving fiancee was, in fact, a porn star. So, now the wedding is off; the article doesn't say exactly if it's because of the porny nature, or the lying, but I'd say the latter is the bigger deal. It could certainly have been a deal-breaker early on, but wouldn't you rather have it happen then than days before your wedding? On the other hand, in today's example of hyperbole: Haylie said: "I don't know if I will ever be able to trust a man again." . Yes, Ms. Haylie, you need to be completely on your guard, because the next man you meet might not tell you the complete truth about his life right away. The horror!

Women: Suck At Erotica!

The owner of Britain's Erotic Review has shot herself in the foot by saying women are too emotional and suck at erotic writing. Wait, herself? Kate Copstick, now the owner, was once a writer for the journal, and by the transitive property thus admits she sucks. Maybe it's all a plot to eliminate a huge volume of submissions, rough-cutting a lot of crap based on an arbitrary divider, thus proving maybe she does have the chops to be a literary editor.

Additional Porn!

Bob the Angry Flower is a man - man? - after my own heart; in today's comics, he fills in some houseguests on where to find the finer amenities of his home. Nearly all of which are, of course, one form of pornography or another:

Porn: Not Glamorous!

Let's say you're a young housewife, and your husband has a new job: pornographer. Think it'll be all fun and games? Duh - it's a fucking job, and it's about as exciting as filming industrial safety movies. And there's no awesome hand-severing special-effects in porn, usually.

Hef Selling Playboy?!?

It's probably an obvious move, given Playboy's troubles in keeping with the pack in the era of modern pornography. Hef is talking to Brit Richard Branson about selling off Playboy and its holdings to the UK millionare, which makes sense on a couple levels. First, Virgin isn't a sloppy business and has its hands in all kinds of media. Second, have you seen Richard Branson? He's all kinds of hot and dreamy, very much a modern version of the Playboy that Hef was portraying in the 1950s. There had been talks about passing the reins on to Maxim a few years back; if there's anything Playboy can benefit from, it's avoiding the lad's-mag genre.

Watch More Porn!

Got low testosterone levels? Sure, there's all kinds of medications and pills that could be used to help your deficiency, but if you want a big jump in testosterone levels, there's an easy way: According to Newsweek, you should watch lots of porn. While the testosterone-boosting pills have side effects, these are more manageable: partakers of the Pornophyx Testosterone Replacement therapy may experience such side effects as: chafing, couchpotatoitis, unreasonable expectations of women, and a sinking feeling that you're watching too much porn. That last one: ignore it! You're boosting your flagging testosterone, Mr. 42-Year-Old Married Guy! Once your wife understands that, she'll stop bugging you about those strange overseas credit card payments. It's in your health's best interest.

Porn Day on YouTube!

Aw, man - my desk calendar didn't tell me yesterday was Porn Day on YouTube! Er, wait: Porn Day was a coordinated attempt to upload porn to YouTube, the kind of asshollery that doesn't make a point but causes all kinds of trouble, but that's what you can expect from eBaum and 4chan users. Don't they know that there's plenty of places online to get porn, without having to upload it yourself? They should spend more time on the internet, those 4chan users.

Photoshop Giant Penises!

It seems there aren't enough men with giant cocks in the porn industry: Photoshop is the go-to- penis enlarger for those huge-cock sites you love, so you no longer need to cry yourself to sleep at night, Mr. 9 Inch, thinking you're not good enough.

Pornocalypse Now!

Taking a gonzo tack at writing about this pornographic cultural revolution we live in, Adbusters has an article fitting for their site, full of art and style, but not saying much, on how pornography is shaping and shaped by our culture. An fun read, but about three times as long as it needs to be. Just read that 2/3 that needs to be cut; it's more interesting than the rest. (via)

What's Wrong With Porn?

The Art of Manliness has gone traitor: they dare say bad things about pornography! Their points, however, do have some weight: but they're problems with pornography, not failures of pornography itself. Porn being a filthy industry? In many ways it is today - but that's a problem with how producers run their business, not pornography itself, and could be changed without making "ah, it's nude people having sex!" be the error - there's more than a handful of porn producers who treat their female talent and characters right; they're sadly the minority, but they didn't solve it by quitting the porn industry. It objectified women and gives unreasonable expectations of sex: dude, have you watched anything Hollywood has done in the past hundred years? That's entertainment! It's not pornography's nature, it's a problem with what people want to see and how it's presented to them. It messes with your sexual pleasure and "manly" confidence? Go to a fucking counselor, Nancy, because you're doing it wrong. Blame rock music for suicides, Victorian poetry for ennui, and crime on guns, because there's a casual connection which makes it easy to lay the blame on a single source - it's the American way! All the problems come down to one thing: Looking at naked people doing naughty things is freakin' fun, but lots of people are doing it wrong. ArtofMan, despite their accusations, does tend to lay blame at the user and consumer as the one to recognize a problem and do something about it with their own behavior; too bad they didn't put enough of that into their reasons porn is a problem.

Cosby Porn = Anger!

There's been a spate of pornographic satire lately, covering everything from Star Trek to Friends, but which one is going to be the target of the most rage from fans of the original? Answer: The Cosby Show, which has a whole lot of people not remembering just how crappy it is. I caught an episode in re-run, and, holy hell, it sucks on a Family Ties level, and I kinda liked Family Ties. People are remembering how awesome it was for a black family to be shown in as unnatural and contrived a situation as white people, not remembering how bad it was, and then completely forgetting that they wanted to see all the characters fucking at some point. Selective memory, indeed; at least the Star Trek fans can appreciate a good Kirk/Uhura sex sc--oh, that's in the new movie? I guess Star Trek and porn go hand-in-hand more than Bill Cosby and Jell-O do.

Feminist Porn Winners!

If you're unsure of how to avoid misogynous porn, here's the list to check out: the Feminist Porn Award winners for 2009. Gracie has been getting this kind of stuff for review for quite a while; the "Teen Asian Cum Random Words Boob 55" stuff never gets watched, but the Feminist kind usually got reviewed. It's not to say the feminist stuff lacks any misogyny whatsoever - remember, some people think it's hot - but those in charge of making feminist porn are probably treating the talent better than those cam sites you subscribed to.

Porn: Everywhere!

Porn is mainstream, according to the New Zealand Herand, in an article that's surprisingly balanced, covering both the plusses and minusses espoused by the general public. Nearly everything else I've read in the media of late focuses on, "wah, it abuses women and gives men a false ideal of sex!" without much evidence, or the counterpoint, "wah, Power Rangers teaches violence and gives children a false ideal of independence and power!" or "wah, Sex In The City gives thirty-somethings an unreasonable ideal of dating and rent prices in New York City!" Hmmm...those kids who were raised on Power Rangers over the past 16 years are in their twenties now, and consuming all that porn. Maybe there is something to the idea. All entertainment must come in the form of quiet conversations about mundane parts of daily life, such as the length of time a bus ride lasted! We cannot stand too much excitement! I agree, though; there is an awful lot of mysogyny in porn - but the Hays Code cleaned up the regular movie industry without dismantling it; porn isn't the problem, a sense of quality is what needs to be fixed.

Gay Porn = Suspended!

So, let's say you want to film a porno, to get a little scratch for tuition. Um, well, when the tuition goes to a Christian school, you might want to rethink your choice of career. Dude, like with Miss California - don't you fucking realize that Christians are the ones who disapprove of your life? Getting nude, being gay, performing in porn: those are all things that Christians say are against their moral fibre. If you think any or all of those are fine, you shouldn't be enrolling at a school which specifically says some or all of those are against their moral expectations. People send their kids to private religious schools because of their Conservative bent. You want to get naked, you want to fuck strangers for money, excellent - but stop pretending you're some good Christian, recognize yourself for what you are. Christian Conservatives get way too much support from stupid people who don't know any better. Mr. Gay Christian: keep doing your porns, go to a public university, and your life will be happier if you be Christian in your own porn-loving, boy-fucking way. Fuck the Christian establishment.

Happy MILFer's Day!

You know what holiday is coming up? Yes, this Sunday is MILFer's Day, the one day of the year when fucking somebody's mom is a government-sanctioned event. Sounds creepy, don't it? MILF, however, has grown into one of the hugest genres of pornography, and the general accusation is a Oedipal association with the 18-25 porn-buying generation. But, you're here, so you want to know what I think: I think it's that the whole teen genre sucks soooo bad that the only hot models are in their thirties and forties. Seriously, have you seen some of the gorgeous MILFs they get? Especially the ones that have been in porn for twenty years; it used to be a thirty-something porn star was all makeupped and augmented to look younger - now that the genre has been around a few years and the business needs hot thirty- and forty-somethings, these gorgeous ladies are back in public. The "teen" and twenty-something women are all bags-of-antlers whose nipples point the wrong directions because their implants are too big. MILF porn isn't hot because they're MILFs - it's because they're fucking hot.